


Nice to Meet You

by KCgirl



Category: Almost Human
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, Bisexual John, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Dorian has pretty eyes, Dorian is a soccer coach, First Date, First Kiss, John is single and grumpy, M/M, Mild Language, Sexual Tension, Valerie is John's sister, past abusive relationship, super slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-23 23:46:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1583828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCgirl/pseuds/KCgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my take on an alternate first meeting for Dorian and John. Getting up at seven-thirty on Saturday when you don't have kids...sucks.  **Please note, rating my change due to adult language and content in future chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to WeWillSpockYou for coming up with this challenge, and asking me to join in the fun. Also - to readithoney for being a great beta and cheerleader!!

"Mmph.." he rested the phone against the side of his head, his face buried in the pillow.

"John?"

There was no answer, save for his breathing. It was too early for anything else.

"What are you doing?"

He rolled over with a resigned sigh. Clearly she wasn't going to cut him a break.

"I was sleeping...what time is it?"

"Seven-thirty." Her too-awake voice grated on his nerves.

"Sev...Jesus Val..What the...seven-thirty?"

"It's a beautiful day, and Josh has a soccer game in an hour. He wants you to come watch."

John sighed heavily, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Where?"

"Not the fields where he usually plays. It's at those new ones out on 167th street."

"Is there any point in arguing about this?"

"You don't want to watch your nephew play?" He could hear the smirk in her voice.

"I'll see you in an hour."

"Love you John." his sister chirped.

"Whatever. You love to torture me."

"Bye!"

"Think he'll show?"

Val's husband Brian opened up their small cooler, counting the Capri Sun pouches to make sure they had enough for both teams.

"Of course he'll show. You know how he feels about Josh."

"That's got nothing to do with it babe. You woke the guy up at 7:30 am on his day off. I know you want him to rejoin the land of the living, but...that's harsh."

Val rolled her eyes at her husband's assessment. "He'll be here."

John had to stop for a minute halfway up the hill. He was obviously in worse shape than he thought. He used to run almost every day for God's sake. Now he could barely make up a fucking bunny hill without getting winded. Pathetic.

Of course, it was waaay too early for people that didn't have kids.

He surveyed the landscape in front of him. Perky moms in ponytails and sunvisors who'd already been to their morning yoga class and worked out in the garden, now forcing their over-scheduled children to interact with each other at rec league soccer.

Suburban Hell.

"Uncle John!"

His eight year-old nephew's wide grin was enough to pull him out of his funk. A reason to trudge the rest of the way to the sidelines of the field.

John smiled and pushed his sunglasses up on his head. "Hey Buddy!"

The child barreled into him at top speed, causing John to stumble for a moment.

"Whoa! Watch it there Speedy...Uncle John's not really awake yet."

"Coffee?" As if on queue, his sister produced a Duncan Doughnuts styrofoam cup, and John lunged for it like a junkie.

"Thank God." his whispered, as she shook her head at him with smile.

John looked down at his nephew, who was still smiling up at him, a bundle of barely contained energy.

"You ready to kick some a...uh, kick some butt out there today?"

"Yeah! Can we go for doughnuts afterwards?"

"Well, that depends. You gotta score at least one goal, get in one good defensive play, and your mom has to say yes."

"Hey J, what's up?" Brian approached and clapped John on the shoulder in greeting.

"Hey Brian."

"We can talk about doughnuts after the game Josh. You better go with the team so you guys can get warmed up."

"Ok Dad."

The boy waived to his uncle and scampered off to where the rest of the team was gathered around their coach.

John took a sip of his coffee, then grabbed one of the folding chairs that was lying on the ground by the cooler. Once he was settled in, he noticed Josh listening intently to a well-muscled African-American man. The man was demonstrating how Josh needed to move his feet to protect the ball when he was moving it down the field.

"Who's that guy?"

"Huh?" Brian looked up from the iPad he was doing some work on.

"That guy with Joshie?"

"His coach." Brian's tone barely disguised the "duh" that he didn't add to his answer.

"That's not his coach," John argued. "What happened to..."

"They moved." Valerie offered as she came over to sit next to her older brother.

"Dorian offered to take over on pretty short notice. He's awesome with the boys."

John pondered this for a moment before speaking again.

"Which one is his kid?" he asked

"He doesn't have one. I don't think he's married." Val thought for a moment then shrugged.

"Why is he coaching if he doesn't have a kid on the team?"

"He played soccer in college or something..." Brian offered absently.

"That's weird." John stated. "Don't you think that's weird?"

His sister cast a condescending glance in his direction.

"You didn't have a kid on the team." she pointed out.

"I had Josh." John reminded her. "At least I was related to someone on the team."

"Some people like to use their time constructively John. I'm sure you remember what that's like. He's doing it because he enjoys it."

John opened his mouth to deliver a comeback, but at that moment, his nephew scored a goal. Parents and Uncle stood up to cheer wildly, and the subject was tabled for the moment.

Before half-time, Brian had to go into work, so John had the task of handing out drinks to the kids with Val.

"Did you see my goal Uncle John?" Josh asked excitedly.

"I sure did! You're doing awesome out there today!"

The boy beamed at him. "Thanks! Coach Dorian has been helping me a lot with my footwork. I'm sure glad you were here to see it!"

John smiled to himself as the boy scampered off to rejoin his team. Maybe getting up at 7:30am wasn't so bad after all.

He bent down to pick up a couple of discarded juice bags, and when he glanced up again, Josh was lying down on the field, his arm twisted at an odd angle, and he was crying.

By the time John made it out to the middle of the field, the coach was already there, checking Josh over.

"What happened?" he asked, crouching down next to his nephew.

"I don't think it's broken." The younger man moved Josh's wrist and elbow gently, and the boy whimpered, his eyes full of tears.

"You've done great today Josh. Why don't you take a little break, and I'll check on you in a few, Ok?"

"Ok." The boy allowed John to help him to his feet.

"I've got some ice packs in my stuff. That'll help."

The man glanced up at that moment, looking at John for the first time. His eyes were an almost shocking blue. A startling contrast to his dark skin, they rendered John speechless.

"Uh...yeah...ice pack. Good idea." John cleared his throat nervously and nodded at the coach, who was still looking at him.

"I got him. You better get back in there and make sure the kids hold on to their lead."

"Thanks, man."

With a slight smile, Dorian sprinted down the sideline.

"What happened?" Val asked, giving her son a hug.

"Some kid knocked him down. Occupational hazard, huh?" John ruffled the boy's hair as Val applied an ice pack to his elbow.

Josh sniffled and looked back at the field.

"What do you think Josh?" John asked him. "Ready to go back in there?"

The boy moved his arm back and forth gingerly.

"Coach is counting on you to make another goal I bet." John smiled and Val nodded.

"Ok." Josh set his mouth in a determined line and headed back to the game.

"Doughnuts after the game kiddo!" John hollered.

"What happened to Mom saying yes?" Val asked him.

"He's injured Val...he needs motivation."

"Wow Josh! Three goals, that's awesome!" The boy beamed as his mom gave him a high-five. "Your dad's gonna be so upset that he missed this."

"He did a great job today!"

John paused from putting the folding chairs away to watch the team's coach pat his nephew on the shoulder. He didn't think you could say that eight-year-olds had actual footwork, but the team did look much improved from the last game he'd attended.

"That's all thanks to you, Dorian." Val smiled.

"Hey, I'm just lucky enough to work with natural talent."

The man smiled so brightly, John felt like he needed to put his sunglasses on. The worst part was that he really seemed to mean it. When those blue eyes drifted to rest on him, John felt himself flush, and busied himself with the chair again.

"Dorian, this is my brother, John." Valerie smiled at Dorian, and then at John pointedly, willing him to straighten up and use his manners.

"Dorian Robinson. Nice to meet you."

Dorian took John's hand in a firm grip and held on for a moment. He didn't smile, but his eyes had a softness to them that made John's breath hitch.

"John Kennex." John forced himself not to look away from the intensity of the other man's gaze as they let go of each other.

"Where's Brian?" Dorian asked conversationally.

"He had to go into the office for awhile, but he still wants to play tomorrow."

"That's cool, just have him text me."

With that, Dorian picked up the bag of soccer balls, and took his leave.

"See you next weekend Josh. Bye John."

"Bye."

John and Josh said the word at the same time, as they watched Dorian walk away.

After a moment, John looked at his sister.

"Brian does stuff with him?"

"He plays golf. Brian's been looking for somebody to play with since he got those new clubs."

"Is he good at that too?"

Val rolled her eyes. "Ready for doughnuts Joshie?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian cross paths again. John feels a little out of place.

~ Eight Days Later ~

"Anybody home?" John knocked on the back door as he came in through the garage.

"In the laundry room!" his younger sister called.

"Hey." John leaned against the door frame as his sister folded towels. "I brought the mower back. It should work OK now."

"Thanks." Valerie smiled at him, gratitude showing her big brown eyes. "Brian kept saying he was gonna get somebody to fix it but...you know how that goes."

John chuckled. His brother-in-law was a great guy, but he wasn't exactly what you'd call "handy." He was really smart, but he didn't know a wrench from a hammer.

Valerie glanced at the clock on the wall that said 4:30.

"Want to stay for dinner? We're having tacos."

"Sure." John didn't have anything to go home to except his own laundry and the DVR, and his sister was a good cook. He knew better than to turn down the offer.

"Where's the rest of the crew?"

"Josh is outside in the back and Brian is..."

Just then the front door opened, and voices drifted toward the back of the house.

"...so I told him, I have about 100 emails in my inbox, if something is really urgent, you have to call me. On the phone."

"Do it the old-fashioned way?"

"Exactly."

John's brows knit together when he heard the second voice. It sounded familiar, and yet, he couldn't place it.

Just then, Brian and Dorian Robinson rounded the corner into the kitchen. Both of them wore light colored shirts, and recently pressed khakis. Perfect golfing attire.

"Hey John" Brian smiled at his brother-in-law.

John nodded, suddenly embarrassed in his old T-shirt and jeans.

"Fixed the lawn mower" he explained, wiping a greasy hand against his thigh.

"Hey man, nice to see you again."

Dorian smiled and held out his hand to John, and the other man glanced a little sheepishly at the grease stains on his palm.

"Hi."

John started to shake his hand, then pulled back, and gestured toward Dorian's clean clothes.

"Probably shouldn't get too close."

"Oh, sure." Dorian stuffed his hand in his pocket awkwardly, and John felt out of place.

He noticed that the blue golf shirt Dorian was wearing complimented the color of his eyes...or...his eyes made the shirt look even more blue...he wasn't sure. He also wasn't sure when he'd started to notice the color of other men's eyes.

"We're having tacos for dinner." Val suddenly announced, breaking the tension.

"Awesome. Why don't you stay for dinner Dorian? Val always cooks for an army."

Dorian smiled, looking a little unsure. "I don't want to impose, but..."

"Stay," Val smiled. "John's staying too. It'll be fun for us old married people to have other

adults to talk to." ""You twisted my arm."

"Good." Brian said. "Come on out to the garage, I wanna show you that thing..."

Brian brushed past his brother-in-law, and Dorian followed, glancing almost apologetically at John. As the back door closed behind them, Val walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to get out the meat for the tacos.

John still stood in the doorway, silent.

"No."

Val spoke the single word suddenly, her eyes focused on unwrapping the ground beef.

"What?" John asked, sounding a bit defensive.

His sister simply looked up at him, silently daring him to say something.

John opened his mouth, then closed it, shifting from one foot to the other.

"Why don't you go out to the garage, and let me cook in peace," she said.

"Actually Val, I just remembered..."

"No John." She turned to face him. "You're not going to duck out just because someone else is here."

"I look like a vagrant." he grumbled.

"So? Brian doesn't care, and you don't even know Dorian. You spent the afternoon working on our lawn mower for heaven's sake. Relax and let me fix you dinner."

John sighed, suddenly feeling desperate. For what, he didn't know.

Desperate for the lonely security of his empty house? Desperate for the solitude that had become a crutch for the last several months, so that he could avoid life?

"If you want to take a shower and borrow one of Brian's T-shirts, go for it, but you're not leaving."

John sighed loudly and headed toward the bathroom in the hallway to wash up.

"Hold on," Val called after him.

When he turned around, he was hit in the face with a clean In-n-Out Burger T shirt from the laundry.

"You're such a pain in my ass." John complained as he made his way down the hall.

"Learned from the best!"

Once he'd washed his hands and changed his shirt, John felt slightly less grimy.

He walked out the front door in an attempt to avoid Val's hovering, and glanced toward the garage. As he walked around toward the back, He could hear Brian talking about the latest drama at his office. He couldn't hear Dorian's voice, so he assumed that the other man was just stuck nodding in agreement.

Not surprising. Brian loved to talk, and today, John didn't feel like listening.

He walked out into the backyard, and found his nephew, who was kicking around his soccer ball.

"Hey Josh."

The boy glanced up, and grinned happily. "Hi Uncle John!"

John smiled back. He couldn't help it when he was around Josh. The kid just radiated sunshine.

"Practicing?"

"Yeah. We won our game again yesterday."

"That's great." John blocked the boy's kick and returned it, with just enough force that Josh had to work to intercept it. "Sorry I missed it. I had a deadline on a work thing."

"That's OK. Maybe you can come next weekend."

John and Josh had been kicking the ball around for almost 30 minutes when Val stuck her head out the back door.

"Dinner in about 20 minutes boys."

"O.K. Mom."

Josh dove to keep the ball from going between the two trees behind him, where the pair had set up their imaginary goal.

"Good save!" John told him.

Five more minutes passed, and neither of them noticed that they had an audience.

Finally, it was John's turn to dive. He blocked the ball with his head which hurt like hell, but, he thought absently, probably looked pretty bad ass.

"Wow, that was cool Uncle John!" Josh told him enthusiastically.

John looked up from the ground and rubbed his head, to see Dorian walking toward him holding two beers.

"That was cool." Dorian echoed, handing John one bottle. Then he offered his free hand to help John to his feet.

John smiled slightly, feeling heat creep up the back of his neck.

"Thanks."

"Uncle John was my coach when I started playing soccer." Josh offered helpfully.

Dorian looked at the boy, and then back at his uncle in surprise.

"You were?"

"Yeah, only for one season."

"Why'd you quit?" Dorian asked

"I uh..." John cleared his throat nervously, unsure how to explain. "Life got busy...just, things."

"Oh." Clearly this was not a topic for discussion.

"Well, next time I need help at practice I'm gonna call you. Eleven eight year olds is a job, man!"

Dorian smiled at him as John took a swig of his beer, and felt himself relax a little.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner with Dorian...and Jello Salad!

“So are you settled in at the new place?” Brian asked.

“Pretty much. Just got a few more things to get out of storage.”

John looked up from his plate, curious. “Where’d you move from?” he asked around a mouthful of food. His sister gave him a pained look at that moment, wishing he’d use better manners around her eight year-old.

Dorian chuckled. “Do you want the long or short version?” 

John just shrugged his shoulders, so Dorian continued.

“I moved here from Seattle about eight months ago. I was renting a place for a while but I just moved into a condo in Northbrook.”

“Wow, Seattle. Can’t imagine anybody wanting to move from there.”

“Have you ever been there?” Dorian asked.

“Yeah.” John glanced at Valerie. “We went once when I was in high school, on a vacation, then I visited a couple of years ago and went up to Vancouver. It was pretty awesome.”

“It is beautiful up there.” Dorian got a faraway, almost sad look in his eyes for a moment, then it was gone. 

“So why’d you move here? Job?”

Dorian looked at John with the same sad smile. “You could say that.”

As Dorian held his gaze, John felt a strange pull deep in his chest. Brian chose that moment to ask someone to pass the rice, and John let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He also took a spoonful of rice for himself before passing it on to his brother-in-law.

“Guess what Uncle John?.” Josh’s eyes danced as he spoke.

“What?” John grinned.

“Mom made Jello salad.”

“Jello salad? Where is it?” John demanded in shocked surprise.

“In the fridge.” Val said casually.

“Seriously? You’ve been hiding it in there since we sat down?”  
“What’s Jello salad?” Dorian asked with a smile.

John turned to him in utter amazement. “You’ve...never had it?”

Dorian laughed. “From the look on your face John, I’m almost afraid to answer that, but...no. I haven’t.”

“Jello salad is our favorite!” Josh explained excitedly.

“What is it?” Dorian asked again, looking around the table.

Val started to answer but John held up his hand to speak.

“Did you use lime Jello?” he asked with a serious tone.

“Is there any other flavor?” she responded.

The dark-haired man pushed back from the table. “I’ll get it.” he announced.

He walked from the hearth room into the kitchen and returned a few moments later, holding a large crockery bowl.

Setting it in the center of the table almost reverently, he looked over at Dorian. 

“This”...he proclaimed, “Is Jello salad.”

Dorian looked up at John, noticing that the man’s eyes were more green today than brown, and then he glanced at the bowl. “It’s fluffy.” he noted.

“Cool Whip.” John explained. 

“Is that fruit cocktail?” Dorian moved closer to the bowl.

“This is like a whole separate food group.” John told him. “You can live on it.”

“He is speaking from experience.” Brian told their guest.

“Wow.” 

Dorian wanted to laugh, but John was so serious about this, he couldn’t. He looked at the bowl again, and contemplated. 

“Well with that kind of an endorsement, how can I say no?”

Dorian held out his plate, and John smiled.

 

“So you never said, what job did you move here for?” John asked. 

“I’m a graphic designer. I work for a magazine here in the Chicago area. It’s not what I want to do forever, but, it’s good for now.”

“Really?” Valerie smiled. “Well then you’re not the only artist at the table.”

 

“Val...” John felt himself blush when his sister spoke up. He didn’t really like being put in the spotlight.

“What do you do John?”

“He’s an architect.” Brian answered, before John could even open his mouth.

“You are?” Dorian asked.

“Yeah.”

“I was gonna go into industrial design when I first got to school...changed halfway through. I thought about architecture, but I didn’t have that much focus.”

John didn’t know what to say to that casual compliment, so he took a drink of water instead.

“He still has a drafting table.” Brian chuckled. “I keep telling him everything is computers now...”

“Not everything.” John interrupted. “All a computer does is do the job fast. I like holding a pencil in my hand. Gives me time to think.”

Dorian was silent, watching John as he spoke. It was obvious the man was passionate about what he did, even if he was a bit uncomfortable showing it.

“You just like antiques.” Brian teased. “Like your car.”

“Your car?” Dorian’s dark brows knotted in confusion.

John just shook his head and took another bite of the jello salad.

Dorian looked at him for another moment, and then comprehension dawned.

“Is that your Mustang across the street?” he asked.

John glanced up, and slowly nodded.

“Is it a ’72?” Dorian asked, obviously interested.

“Seventy-three.” John corrected.

“What’s the engine? 351 Cleveland?”

“Yeah. You like cars?”

“My grandpa had a ’73. He was always working on it. I loved that car.”

“Mine’s all original.” John said proudly. “Except for the steering wheel.”

“Man, you gotta take me for a ride sometime!” Dorian smiled with so much enthusiasm that John couldn’t keep from doing the same.

“Ok.”

Brian sat at the head of the table, looking a little forlorn. “You guys are scaring me.” he said.

“That car’s not an antique Brian.” Dorian told him. “It’s a classic.”

“Exactly.” John echoed sitting back in his chair, a warm feeling in his stomach.

“He does get comments on it all the time.” Brian conceded. “Remember when Kate used to call it a Corvette?” 

Brian chuckled as he asked the question, but Dorian noticed that the expression on John’s face changed immediately, as did the relaxed mood at the table.

John seemed to almost curl in on himself in his chair, and Valerie cleared her throat to hide an exasperated sigh. Even Josh seemed to glance in surprise at his father’s remark.

“Almost forgot about that Brian. Guess that should’ve been my first clue that there was a problem.” 

John spoke in a quietly bitter tone as he tossed his napkin from his lap onto the table. He took a breath and stood up from his chair.

“Excuse me for a minute.” 

Dorian watched as the big man turned and walked out of the room. As soon as he was gone, Valerie turned to her husband.

“Will you help me in the kitchen for a minute?” she asked. 

“Shit.” Brian sighed. “I didn’t...”

“In the kitchen Brian. “ 

The pair stood up and picked up their plates. “We’ll be back.” Val assured their guest.

 

“Daddy’s in trouble.” Josh commented.

That much was obvious, Dorian realized. He just wasn’t sure why.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Brian's slip of the tongue...

“It just came out. I thought it would be funny.” Brian explained.

“Really? That was not funny Brian. It was like rubbing salt in the wound...or ripping off a band-aid.”

“Well how much longer is the “band-aid” gonna be an issue Val?” Brian made air quotes with his fingers as he turned to face his wife. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, but, it’s been like...nine months.”

“Eight.” Valerie corrected.

“Whatever. It’s been a long time. You said he’d be over this by now.”

“Everybody’s different honey. It just takes time.”

“Guess you’d better tell Emily to forget about next weekend huh?”

“I don’t know.” Val sighed and set her plate in the sink. She was out of ideas when it came to helping her big brother.

“Well, you should at least...”

“I can hear you in here...”

The sound of John’s voice startled both of them. He walked out of the small half-bath next to the laundry room with a scowl on his handsome face.

“What are you doing in there?” Val asked.

“Trying to get a little privacy. Next time I’ll try the backyard.”

John looked back and forth between his brother-in-law, who wouldn’t meet his gaze, and his sister, who looked worried. 

That was pretty much her permanent expression when she looked at him these days. He hated it.

“Look John,” Brian began. “what I said in there...I mean, I didn’t mean to...”

“Who’s Emily?” John asked his sister, ignoring Brian completely.

“What?” Val smiled at him, looking like a deer in the headlights.

“Emily. Apparently she’ll have to make other plans next weekend.”

Val glanced at her husband, who gave her an ‘I told you so’ look.  
“She’s just a friend from work that I invited to the barbeque we’re having next Saturday.”

“You’re trying to set me up again aren’t you?” John asked.

“John, it’s not a big deal, it’s just...”

“I can always tell when you’re lying Valerie, so spill it.”

Val let out a loud sigh. “For God’s sake John, can’t you just go with the flow for once? You might actually enjoy yourself!”

“I told you I would start...dating...or whatever, when I’m ready.”

“At the rate you’re going, that’ll be never...”

John gaped at his sister, “Guess I didn’t realize there was a specific schedule for recovery.” he quipped. 

Val took a step toward her brother, not wanting this to escalate into a full-scale argument. 

“I know she put you through hell John, but you can’t avoid life forever...I hate seeing you like this”

“Like what?” he asked, his hazel eyes dark and challenging.

Val made a vague gesture with her hands, Depressed, angry, lonely. You used to be on the go all the time. Now you’re a recluse.”

“Sorry if I’m not bouncing back quickly enough for you,” he answered sarcastically.

“The whole thing sucks, I know,” Brian began, “but, you gotta get back on the horse sometime...”

“Fuck you Brian, ” John snapped at his brother-in-law and Val gave him an angry look.

“We’re trying to help you John, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“I don’t need your help, Valerie. I’m not a fucking charity case!”

Valerie paused, and a pained look spread across her face. 

“No, you’re not. You’re my brother and I want you to be happy...”

“Not everybody can live the perfect life, Val.” John spread his arms out and glanced around her “model home” kitchen, as he liked to call it.   
“Some of us have to struggle.”

At that remark, his sister looked as if she’d been slapped, and John immediately hated himself.

Valerie did have her own struggles, having suffered a miscarriage around the same time as the breakup of John’s relationship. He’d been so caught up in his own drama at the time, that he’d barely acknowledged the suffering she had gone through.

“I’m...I’m sorry...” John began lamely.

Val shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I should remember that your shit is more important that anybody else’s.” She glanced up at him, her eyes suddenly cold. 

 

Brian cleared his throat nervously, and brother and sister both turned to look at him.

“I’m gonna go check on Josh and Dorian.” Brian said, glad to have an excuse to get out of the line of fire. John and Val didn’t fight often, but when they did, it wasn’t pretty. The blonde man backed out of the kitchen quickly.

John ran a hand through his hair, wishing he could make a similar exit.

“You think I like feeling this way?” he asked suddenly.

“You have to make an effort John.” Val told him, trying to stay calm. “You can’t just sit and wait for things to change. I just want you to do something...anything...to get back to who you used to be.”

John laughed bitterly, “That’s just it Val. I’m not that guy anymore. I wouldn’t want to be, ‘cause he’s the dumbass that got screwed over. I’d rather spend the rest of my life parked in front of the TV than relive any of that again.”

Val heard the crack in John’s voice, and took a step forward to comfort him.

“Don’t.”

He put up a hand to stop her. “Just...just don’t. You can’t fix it Val, no matter how many times you try.”

With that, John walked into the laundry room and grabbed his dirty T-shirt. He changed quickly, threw the borrowed one into a laundry basket, and turned to see Val at his heels.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Leaving. I’ve successfully ruined the evening for everyone, so my work here is done.” 

The bitterness in his tone was thick.

“John, you don’t have to...”

He pushed past her and opened the door to the garage.

“If you want to play matchmaker, why don’t you invite Dorian to your barbeque? He’s new in town. I’m sure he’d love to meet somebody.”

 

****************************

 

Val stood on her deck, her mind a million miles away. She didn’t hear the sliding glass door open or close, and when Dorian touched her on the shoulder, she jumped.

“Sorry,” he said apologetically. “I’m gonna take off. I just wanted to say thanks for dinner. It was good.”

Val smiled at him. He was such a genuinely nice person. “Thanks. I’m sorry things got a little...” she waved her hand, allowing him to fill in the blank with a word of his choosing.

“It’s alright. It’s family. Things aren’t perfect all the time.”

“Hardly ever around here.” she laughed.

The pair stood silently for a moment, and then Dorian spoke hesitantly, “I noticed something tonight.”

“Uh oh.”

“No,” Dorian laughed. “It’s a good thing.”

“Please tell me,” she put her hand on his arm and squeezed, “I could use something good right now.”

“Your brother has dimples.”

Val looked at him for a moment, afraid she was going to cry. She blinked quickly and glanced out into the yard. “Yes, he does.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t see them before.”

“Well, you got him to smile, Dorian. Really smile. He doesn’t do that often these days.”

“Is he alright?”

“I hope he will be.” Val sighed. “I guess I need to realize that I can’t fix everything for him. I just wish...” She shook her head, stopping before she said too much.

“Someone hurt him pretty badly, I take it.”

Val looked at Dorian, and saw the compassion in his impossibly blue eyes. This wasn’t her story to tell, but she felt like maybe...maybe Dorian could reach John in a way that she hadn’t been able to.

“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want to pry.”

Val took a deep breath before she spoke. “Let’s just say that if I knew where that bitch lived, I’d probably be in jail right now. She didn’t break his heart...she shredded it.”

Dorian seemed to take a moment to process that statement, before nodding silently. 

“He seems like a pretty intense guy...I guess everybody’s complicated in their own way, huh?”

“He’s really a very sweet person, behind the ten foot thick wall he’s got going..”

Dorian smiled with a look of understanding. “Don’t give up on him Val. Just the fact that he was here tonight says something.”

Valerie just smiled, and squeezed Dorian’s hand.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a difficult night for John, but he soldiers on, like always.

John drove around for almost an hour. The sound of the big Mustang engine was just loud enough to drown out the voices in his head. Why did this have to happen tonight?  
He was doing better. At least he thought so until that idiot opened his mouth. 

Finally, running low on gas and mentally worn out, John turned down his own street, still feeling sick to his stomach.

He sat in the driveway, gripping the steering wheel with sweaty palms. He leaned forward until his forehead rested against it, and took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears.

“What the fuck is wrong with me!”

John raged at himself and kicked the floorboard of the car as hard as he could. After a moment he ran a hand over his face and leaned back in the seat. 

Usually, he was glad to get back home. Now, it seemed even this place that had made him feel safe in the wake of his aborted engagement, his aborted life...wasn’t enough to soothe him. If he didn’t feel comfortable here, then where the hell did he belong?

After several more minutes, he dragged himself out of the car and in through the garage of the two-story colonial.

With only the buzz of the refrigerator to greet him, John dropped his keys on the edge of the kitchen counter, and walked through to the TV room. He sat heavily on the couch and dropped his head in his hands. He should get up and take a shower, but at the moment he didn’t have the energy or the motivation. 

His reaction to Brian’s off-hand comment played over again in his mind, and embarrassment flooded through him. He could only imagine what the conversation had been after he’d stormed out of there like a toddler throwing a tantrum. 

He wasn’t the first guy to find out his fiance was cheating on him. Hell, he had some friends that had gone through a fucking divorce and were married again in less time than it had been since Kate had walked out on him. Yet here he was, eight months later, still licking his wounds.

He wondered if he should take Val’s advice and talk to somebody. He laughed bitterly. Women really were smarter than men, he decided. They didn’t have any trouble talking about their problems, most of the time. They were strong enough to let somebody help. 

Would anybody want to listen to him talk about how he’d been stupid enough not to see the signs of where things were headed, even before he’d proposed to Kate? He had been so sure about everything, only to have his house of cards come crashing down. 

When that happened, all John had left was this house he’d bought, for the family he wanted so desperately to have. 

Tonight, this place that had given him solace just seemed stifling. He didn’t want to be here, but he had nowhere else to go. Truthfully, he just wanted to shed his own skin, and get out of his own head. How do you escape yourself? 

With that thought echoing in his head, John slowly got up from the couch and climbed the stairs to bed.

Sleep didn’t come easily, or last long. John lay wide awake at 1 am, unable to turn his mind off.

He kept going over the events of the previous evening, wishing he hadn’t left the way he did. 

He thought about talking to Dorian in Val's backyard, and how easy that had been. He wondered if he’d ever get the chance to do it again. He thought about Kate, and how she’d never liked this house. She’d never cared about his car, and didn’t like his taste in music. Maybe it’s a good thing she’d left him right before the wedding. Saved him from going through a divorce.

“You’re losing it...” John mumbled to himself in the dark. 

He turned over on his side, and punched at the pillow fitfully. At that moment, another thought came to him. It was an urge so strong there was no avoiding it.

He got up out of bed, and walked down the hall into the spare bedroom he used for storage. Squinting against the too bright overhead light, he looked around at what was left of the moving boxes that he hadn’t gone through since moving in. Of course, the one he was looking for was at the bottom of a stack. 

Digging it out, John hesitated. Should he open it, for one last look? 

Grabbing a pair of scissors from his office, he came back and stabbed a hole in the tape the ran the length of the box, zipping a line through it. The box opened, to reveal a neat stack of bright white, parchment paper wedding invitations, embossed with raised black script. There were invites to his bachelor party too, and brochures for their honeymoon. He considered digging all the way to the bottom, but decided this was enough. 

He just wanted to put eyes on it one more time, and then move on. 

After a few more moments, John closed up the box and turned out the light as me made his way down the hall. Stopping at his bedroom doorway, he made a decision, and dropped the box on the floor.

Before he could change his mind, he walked with purpose over to his night stand and opened the bottom drawer. The image in the picture frame stared up at him. It wasn’t real. It never had been, even on the day the photo was taken.

He didn’t really look at it anymore, but it was still there. Like a scab that he couldn’t resist picking at. 

When he opened the back door, the cool night air felt like a caress on his flushed face. He sat the box down, and opened it just enough to shove the picture frame inside. 

Val said he needed to make an effort. Well, this was him, making an effort. Tomorrow was garbage day, and John would have one extra item for pick up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John comes to rescue and Dorian makes a trip home...

Dorian rounded the corner, and jogged the last half block back to his condo. He’d added an extra two miles to his regular run, just to make up for the two helpings of jello salad from the night before. He smiled as he remembered John serving him a helping, the man’s green eyes almost sparkling.

He’d been thinking about the dark-haired man on and off all day, wondering if he was doing alright, after leaving Val’s house so abruptly. It was silly, since he hardly knew the guy, but still, there was something about him that stuck in Dorian’s mind. 

He shook his head as he jogged up the flight of stairs to his front door. John wasn’t the guy for him. He was straight, still getting over a failed relationship, with a woman, and Dorian was just getting his life back together. This was not the time to be thinking of anybody other than himself.

His phone had buzzed a couple of times in the last few minutes, but he didn’t take the time to look at it until he had unlocked his front door. When he saw the number on his phone, his brows furrowed in confusion.

He hit the redial button as he closed his front door. 

“Hey, it’s me...everything ok?” The young man nodded as he listened to the person on the other end of the line.

“Just fax it to me and I can…” he let out a breath and sat on the arm of the couch.

“Is it really necessary that I come back for that?” His blue eyes were sharp with apprehension now. “I understand. Let me make some calls and get back with you.”

#######

“John?” 

Val knocked on the front door and found it unlocked. She pushed it open slightly, and heard the familiar strains of a song by Talk Talk coming from John’s sound system. She paused in surprise. It had been a long time since he’d listened to this music.

“Where are you?” she called again. Still no answer. She walked through the kitchen, and put the container she’d brought along in the fridge. She finally found her older brother on the back deck. He was sitting in a lounge chair, facing the setting sun, with his sketch book propped up on his knee. He glanced in her direction when she came out the back door.

“Hi.”

“Hey” she smiled. “Whatcha doin’?” she asked, in her annoying little sister voice.

“Stuff.” he answered, playing along. 

She walked slowly towards him and peeked over his shoulder at the pencil drawing he was working on. He turned the pad over. “It’s not done yet.”

 

Val couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him sketching. He used to love it, but somehow, that part of her brother had gotten lost, around the time he started seeing his ex. He always claimed he didn’t have time, or made some other excuse. 

“Where’d you dig that up?” she asked. 

“Found it in my nightstand.” John told her.

Val nodded. “I um...brought you some leftover Jello salad. It’s in the fridge.”

“Thanks.” John smiled at her. “Listen Val...”

“John...”

Both of them started to speak at the same time, then stopped. John spoke up first.

“I acted like an idiot last night. I was thoughtless and I’m sorry.”

“It’s...”

“Don’t say it’s ok. I can only imagine what your husband had to say when I left.”

“He didn’t say anything.” 

John raised an eyebrow and Val shook her head. “We were both concerned about you John. So was Dorian.”

John tried to keep from showing his surprise at the mention of the man’s name. He glanced down at his sketch pad and cleared his throat. Val noticed his reaction, and decided to just file the information away for now. You had to be careful with John. 

“I just wanted to check on you. Make sure you didn’t need anything.”

John smiled at his little sister’s attempts at mothering him.

“I’m good.” he assured her. He stood up from the chair and winced slightly. When Val noticed that her brow creased with more concern, but John waived her off.

“I went running when I got home. First few days are always the worst.”

“You went running? Wow.”

“Don’t get excited. You know I don’t follow through with shit.”

“I’m not excited.” she lied. “Just commenting.” 

“Figured it was past time I got off my ass and did something.” John picked up his pad and walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge to grab a bottle of water. 

He offered one to his sister but she shook her head. “I gotta go, I just...”

“Just wanted to be sure I wasn’t rocking myself in a corner?” John winked at her.

“Something like that.” she laughed. They stood together in the kitchen, and when he saw Val moving toward him he took a step back.

“No” he put his hands up in defense.

“What?” she stopped, sounding affronted.

“You’ve got that weepy look and you were gonna hug me. Don’t start.”

Val smacked him on the arm. “I’m not weepy. Now that it's just us somebody's gotta keep an eye on you" 

"I know," he relented. "I'm trying Val. Thanks for not giving up on me."

His sister sniffled and closed the space between them giving John a tight hug.

“Love you,” she said into his chest.

“Me too...Brat.” John kissed the top of her head. “Now get out so I can get my ‘stuff’ done.”

Val looked up at him and smiled. “Wanna go running with me tomorrow?” she teased

“Out.” John pointed to the door as Val laughed.

“Josh’s game is at eight on Saturday morning.” she glanced over her shoulder as she opened the front door. “If you’re not busy.” 

John paused. He wanted to watch his nephew play, but the thought of seeing Dorian after his freakout made him nervous. 

"Yeah...I’ll have to see how the latest project at work goes this week."

"If they can keep up their winning streak they'll have a chance at the city championship."

 

The rest of the week passed by without incident for John. He kept busy unpacking and sorting the rest of the moving boxes in his spare bedroom, and forced himself to run every night after work. By Friday night he was getting into a routine, and was feeling pretty good about having met that goal. There were other things however, that still bothered him.

He realized - or perhaps hoped was a better word - that Dorian had probably forgotten all about his meltdown at Val’s the previous weekend. The guy was charming, and nice, and...he basically seemed to have his shit together, so he probably wouldn’t give a second thought to John, who’d been living the last few months of his life at the opposite end of that scale. 

Still, he didn’t feel great about showing up at Josh’s game and facing Dorian. He didn’t want to see that look in Dorian’s eyes. While he was pondering this, he chose not to think about why he was spending any time worrying about what his nephew’s soccer coach thought of him. 

Finally, late Friday night he texted Val to say that he’d probably be working on Saturday, so he’d have to miss the game. It wasn’t really a lie. He probably would work a little. He’d catch the game next week, after everything had time to blow over.

######  
John was contemplating making coffee when his phone rang at 7:15 the next morning. He reached over to the nightstand, and seeing his sister’s picture on the screen, answered.

“What’s up?”

“Are you awake?” she asked by way of greeting.

“Uh...yeah, pretty much.”

“We have a problem.” 

John sat up in bed, suddenly alert. “What’s wrong?”

“The game starts in forty-five minutes and we don’t have a coach.”

John scowled at the phone. 

“What do you mean? Where’s Dorian?” He couldn’t imagine that the enthusiastic man would just not show up.

“He had to leave town earlier this week.” Val stated matter-of-factly.

“Leave…” John felt a sudden tightness in his chest at the idea, but before he could think too much about it, Val continued.

“Some thing back in Seattle...anyway, he got one of the dad’s to cover for him, but that guy’s sick or something. If we don’t have a coach…”

“Mom, tell Uncle John he has to come help. If we lose this game we won’t be able to go to the championship.”

John could hear his nephew’s voice in the background. Val said something to him, and then she was back on the other end of the line.

“Without a coach we’ll have to forfeit the game.”

“What about the equipment?” John asked.

“Brian and I brought it over this morning. We have everything.”

John sighed and rubbed his eyes as he got out of bed. “They won’t have to forfeit. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

He could practically hear Valerie’s smile through the phone. “You’re a lifesaver John.”

######

John arrived at the soccer field to face a group of restless kids and parents. Some of them remembered him from his previous coaching stint, and those that didn’t were just glad there was someone willing to step up to the plate, who might actually know something about soccer.

He didn’t have any of Dorian’s notes, so he rounded the kids up and tried to figure out what positions they were used to playing. They did a fair job of listening, after asking lots of questions about why Josh’s uncle was coaching instead of Mr. Dorian.

Val watched from the sidelines, impressed that her brother had slipped back into this role so easily. John was encouraging, but stern enough that most of the kids listened. He reminded them that if they won this game, they’d be that much closer to the championship, and told them that Coach Dorian would want them to do their best today. Finally, he told them to have fun.

“You’re awesome with them.” Val told him as he walked over to the sidelines, and picked up an organge cone to designate the boundries of the field.

“I haven’t done anything yet.” he told her.

“Just the fact that you’re here is great.”

“Great will be winning the game, Val.” John glanced at his brother-in-law, who was typing on his pad, oblivious to everything around him.

“Hey Brian,” John said as he walked to where the blond was casually lounging in a lawn chair. “I need a line judge.”

“Huh?”

“I need somebody on the far side of the field.”

Brian glanced at his pad, and back at John. “I was in the middle of finishing…”

John grabbed the small computer and tossed it on the pile of blankets next to the chair. 

“You’re finished. Take this with you, and go stand over there. If the ball goes out, call it.”

John handed the man an orange flag and gave him a look that brokered no argument.

“Unbelievable.” John muttered as Brian pouted and walked away.

The game progressed fairly well, with John changing some of the kids positions around a bit. He noticed one kid who was really fast, but was stuck at mid field, so John moved him up to forward. He wondered briefly if the parents of the kid that he moved back would be pissed, then let the thought go. He wouldn't be coaching again after today. His move paid off when the fast kid scored the next goal. 

At halftime John gulped down two bottles of water in nothing flat. He was more than thankful that he’d started running again earlier in the week. He prepared the kids for the second half of the game, trying to keep them focused. They were in the lead, three goals to one.  
When the game ended, twenty-five minutes later, John was being mobbed by several happy eight year-olds. They had another win to add to their record. He couldn’t keep the smile off of his own face.

“You’re the best Uncle John!” Josh hugged his uncle tightly around the neck, excited about his own goal in the game.

“Thanks kiddo.” John hugged him back. He couldn’t love the boy any more if he were his own.

“Are you gonna be here next week Coach John?” 

“I don’t think so Kyle. Coach Dorian should be back by then.”

“Well, at least we know we have a great back-up if we need it.” Kyle’s dad came forward, along with several other parents, to thank John for stepping in to help. Valerie stood by, smiling, as she watched her brother blush and try to graciously accept praise. 

“Hey Val, great game today. ” Sabrina, a pretty, recently divorced mom to one of the players on Josh’s team, approached Val with a smile.

“Hi Sabrina.”

“You didn’t tell me your brother was such a good coach.” she childed. “You didn’t tell me he was so hot, either.”

“He hasn’t coached in a while. I called him last minute.”

“You’ll have to introduce me sometime.”

Val opened her mouth to respond when John appeared in front of her, pushing his sweaty hair off of his forehead.

“Hey,” he smiled at his sister, and glanced at the woman next to her. “Josh is trying to talk Brian into doughnuts. Just FYI.”

“I think that’s a great idea. We need to celebrate the victory.” Sabrina smiled. “You’re coming too, right Coach?”

John glanced between his sister and the other woman, who was looking at him like he was a piece of prime rib.

“Uh...I was planning to.”

“Great.” she smiled at him and flipped her long dark hair. “See you there.”

John turned around to stare darkly at his younger sister, his eyebrow raised in question.

“I didn’t do anything!” Val insisted in a loud whisper. “It’s not my fault if she thinks sweat is sexy.” She wrinkled her nose at John in distaste. “Wear sweatpants next time instead of tight shorts.”

Val walked away, leaving John with his mouth gaping open.

##########

Dorian hugged his mother tightly, and willed himself not to get tears in his eyes.

“It’s so good to see you Honey.”

“You too Mom. I’ve missed you.”

Helen Robinson stepped back from her son and looked him up and down.

“Do I look different?” grinned at her.

“Just want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.” 

Helen was a tall, rather regal looking woman of about sixty. She was tough, but her baby boy could reduce her to a puddle with one look. She hadn’t been happy about him leaving town so suddenly at the first of the year. Now that he was back, she already knew how difficult it would be to let him go again.

Dorian’s sister stood nearby, with a barely disguised smirk on her lovely face. “Somehow he managed to survive without you Mom.”

“You hush Nyota. Just wait until it’s your little boy who moves half a country away.” Helen hugged her son once more and then motioned for him to sit next to her on the porch swing.

“So tell me everything. How’s the job? Have you moved into the new condo yet?”

“Job is fine. Just finished the move a couple of weeks ago. It’s nice.”

“So what are you doing besides working?”

Dorian shrugged. “Work is pretty busy, but, I’ve made a few friends there, and I’m coaching a soccer team a couple of days a week. Eight-year-olds.”  
Helen smiled, remembering how much Dorian had enjoyed coaching her ten-year-old grandson’s team.

“How’s their record?” Nyota smiled.

“Good so far...although I’m not sure the guy who covered for me this weekend. Our winning streak may be over.”

“I know Michael wishes his favorite uncle was still coaching.” 

His mother smiled at him, but Dorian glanced away, hoping he wasn’t about to face another round of questions about why he felt he had to leave Seattle. 

“Next time I’m in town I’ll have to come watch a game.”

“He’d love that.” Nyota said quietly.

“I don’t know if I’m allowed to ask this but, are you...seeing anyone?” Helen’s voice was hesitant, and full of concern for her son.

“No.” Dorian folded his hands with a sigh and his mother nodded.

“Have you heard anything…”

“He hasn’t tried to contact me Mom. He doesn’t know where I am, and I want to keep it that way. I only came in town to sign some papers to extend the restraining order, and to wrap up some stuff with the sale of the house. I’m going back tomorrow afternoon.”

“I wish you could stay longer.”

“Not this time Mom. Not yet.”

His mother sighed, and Dorian felt like a coward. If he were a stronger person he would have been back to visit sooner. If he was a stronger person, he never would have left at all.

“Why not Dorian?” 

“Mom,” Nyota spoke up before Dorian had a chance to. “Let’s not start this right now.”

“I just want to understand. It’s not like you’ll have to see anyone but us if you stay for a couple of days. You could see Michael and we could…”

“I haven’t been at this job very long Mom, I don’t have the time to take off.”  
“I don’t want to wait another six months to see you.” she said, her dark eyes holding her son’s gaze.

“I’ll be back before then,” he promised. “It’s just...it’s difficult, coming back here.”

His mother reached forward and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. “I wish you would let us help you with this. That’s what family is for Dorian.”

Dorian shook his head, his blue eyes mirroring the pain that he saw in his mother’s brown ones. “You can’t help me with this Mom. I tried to explain that to you when I left.”

“I don’t see why you had to move somewhere where you don’t know anybody. If you just would have said something the first time this happened instead of…”

“Mom…” Nyota stood up as Dorian pulled his hand out of his mother’s grasp.

“Don’t you think I wanted to Mom?” Dorian looked at his mother and stood up, putting physical distance between himself and the two women that he loved most in the world. 

“I wanted to...but I didn’t. If I had, everything would be different right now, wouldn’t it?” His voice broke on the last word, and when his younger sister stepped toward him, Dorian put up a hand to stop her.

“I just need some time, to figure things out. Believe me, you both will be the first to know, once I have some answers.

He turned and walked back into the house, leaving them both to stare after him


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pizza night for John, Josh, and...Dorian.

On the plane ride back to Chicago - he couldn’t quite bring himself to call it ‘home’ yet - Dorian was surprised to see a text message from Valerie.

Val H: Hope you had a good trip. BTW - we won the game on Saturday. Score 4-2!

He smiled, thinking of the happy group of boys that he coached every week, but he was more than a little surprised that Mr. Anderson had been able to pull off a win.

Me: Awesome! 

Val H - David’s dad was sick so I found someone else to coach.

Me: Who?

Val H: John.

Dorian raised his eyebrows in surprise and smiled. “I’ll be damned.”

*******

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Val asked as she raced around picking up dirty laundry and starting the dishwasher.

“Of course not. We got this, right Josh?”

“Right!”

“Ok well, remember to brush your teeth and don’t stay up too late. I’ll call in the morning.” Val leaned down to kiss her son, and then stood up to kiss her older brother good-bye. Now that she’d solved the problem of a sitter, she had exactly thirty minutes to get ready for a last-minute date with her husband.

“What about soccer?” John asked.

“No game tomorrow. Not until next week.”

“Oh…” John was surprised, and he had to admit, disappointed that there was no game this weekend. 

He been looking forward to seeing Dorian, to talk to him about the team’s win the previous week. 

“Dorian’s back in town, right?”

Val glanced up as she closed the lid to the washer. “Yeah, he got back last Monday. Why?”

“No reason...just wondered. Have a good time.” 

“Bye Mom!” Josh waved to her as John ushered him out the door, and Val smiled, shaking her head.

 

“Where to Tiger?” John revved the engine of the Mustang as they started down the street.

“Pizza?” Josh suggested hopefully.

“Sounds good.”

Twenty minutes later the pair were looking for a booth to sit in and waiting for their order to come up. Once they were settled, Kennex dug into his pocket to find quarters for the video games that lined one wall of the restaurant.

He passed a handful of change to his nephew and took swig of beer from an ice cold mug, thinking they should probably hit Red Box for a couple of movies on the way home.

“Hi John.” 

He heard the voice, and glanced up to see a familiar pair of startlingly blue eyes and a wide smile.

He gasped in surprise and immediately choked on his beer.

“Oh man...sorry!” Dorian came closer and pounded John on the back as he continued to sputter, red-faced from lack of oxygen and embarrassment.

“Are you OK Uncle John?” Josh and Dorian both looked at him with concern.

“Yeah...just…” John paused to cough and clear his throat. “surprised to see you.”

“I was in the neighborhood. Felt like having pizza tonight.” Dorian shrugged with an easy smile.

“We did too!” Josh told him happily. 

“Have a seat.” John said, gesturing toward the spot next to Josh in the booth.

“Me and Uncle John are having a boy’s night.”

“Really?” Dorian glanced at John in amusement. “Are you gonna keep your Uncle out of trouble?”

“He’s not in trouble today. Mommy was really glad he answered his phone, ‘cause now she and Daddy get to go on a date.” The little boy wrinkled his nose at the word, and continued.

“So now, we get to eat pizza and watch movies!”

“Sounds to me like you guys got the better end of the deal.” 

John sat silently and listened as Dorian and his nephew talked. He seemed so genuinely interested in what Josh had to say. No wonder the kids liked him so much. 

“You should stay and eat with us!” Josh said enthusiastically.

Dorian glanced at John and shook his head, “I don’t want to impose Buddy.”

“No imposition.” John spoke up quickly. “Unless you got somewhere to be.”

Right then 2 order numbers came over the loudspeaker in the restaurant.

“That’s me.” Dorian said, glancing at John’s receipt as well. “Your’s too.”

Both men stood up but Dorian reached out a hand to stop John. “Let me get it.”

“Ok.” John felt a little awkward as he watched Dorian walk away, then looked at his nephew.

“You really want him to have dinner with us Josh?” he asked.

“Sure.” the little boy nodded. “He makes you smile more Uncle John. He’s a good friend for you.” 

John felt his face get hot as Josh drank his Sprite through a straw. Out of mouths of babes, he thought.

When Dorian returned with the pizzas, he took his seat next to Josh, and John felt a strange excitement at the thought that he was going to stay and have dinner with them. As was his habit though, he pushed the feeling aside and dug into the italian sausage and pepperoni half of the pizza in front of him.

“Congratulations, by the way.” Dorian smiled and raised his beer mug, his slice of pizza still untouched.

“Huh?” John asked the question around a mouthful of food.

“I heard about the game last week. Val texted me.”

“Oh yeah, “ John smiled, a little shy all of a sudden. “That was pretty cool.”

“It was WAY cool Coach Dorian!” Josh bounced in his seat enthusiastically. “We creamed them! Uncle John was awesome!”

“Josh…”

“You were.” the boy insisted. “You should have seen it.” he told his coach.

“I wish I could have.”

John glanced up to see Dorian looking at him strangely, and he simply couldn’t look away. He forgot that they were in a pizza joint, crowded with people. It felt like time was standing still, but it was really only a couple of seconds.

“Aren’t you gonna eat?” Josh asked, breaking the spell. Dorian laughed, a little nervously and nodded, finally taking a bite of his pizza.

“So…” John rubbed the back of his neck, feeling like he had to fill the silence. “You had to go back to Seattle?”

There was enough of a pause before Dorian answered, that John knew he’d hit on a sore subject.

“Yeah.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry..”

“It’s alright.” Dorian assured him. “Just some things that needed to be taken care of, that’s all. I did get to see my mom and my sister, so that was good.”

“You Ok?” John realized that he really cared about Dorian’s answer to that question. Normally he didn’t want to get involved in other people’s drama. He had enough of his own to deal with, but there was something about Dorian…

“Might not seem like it but, I’m a pretty good listener.” 

Dorian looked at him for a moment and smiled that sad smile that John had seen before.

“Thanks John, I’ll remember that.” 

In the next minute the dark-skinned man excused himself to go to the restroom, and John was mentally kicking himself. Had those words really come out of his mouth? He sounded like somebody in an After School Special. Jesus.

“You have a sister too?” Josh asked once Dorian had returned.

“I do. Her name is Nyota, and she has a son that’s about a year old than you are.”

“That’s cool.” Josh considered this as he toyed with his third piece of cheese pizza. “Is she older or younger than you?”

“Two years younger.” came the reply.

“That’s just like Uncle John and my mom...only mom is a lot younger than him.”

“Five years is not a lot, Josh.”

“Mom says it is. I’m full, can I go play video games now?”

“Sure.” John handed over his quarters and both men smiled as the boy scooted out of the booth.

“He’s a great kid.” Dorian commented.

“All thanks to his mother.” John answered. 

“No credit for Dad, huh?”

John rolled his eyes. He knew Brian and Dorian were friends, although he couldn’t imagine why.

“Brian’s a good guy,” John backpeddled. “He’s just…”

“He’s Brian. I get it. As long as he’s good to your sister, that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah. I couldn’t stand to live with him for five minutes, but what do I know? I’m on the short bus when it comes to relationships.”

Dorian chuckled. “Well then I can’t believe we haven’t run into each other before now.”

“Val keeps trying to set me up with people. That’s what happened the other night...when I uh…”

“Good to know.” Dorian winked. “I won’t plan any blind dates for you. I don’t think Val will either after that.”  
“Yeah,” John laughed. “I guess I got my point across huh? Her heart’s in the right place though. She does have some nice girlfriends, if you’re...I mean I know you just moved here so it must be kind of lonely, unless you already…” 

“I don’t think they’d be my type John.”

John had been trying to be helpful, and then ended up floundering, so he was glad when Dorian interrupted him. John being John however, didn’t know when to quit.

“What’s your type? She really does know a lot of people.”

“Does she know a lot of men too? I’m not really interested in dating right now, but…”

“What?” John’s held his beer mug in midair as he asked the question.

Dorian smiled patiently at him. “I’m gay, John.”

John blinked at him, and slowly sat down his mug, as he felt the world shift just a little.

Dorian watched closely as the dark-haired man in front of him processed this bit of information. He knew that John had no idea that Dorian preferred men. He was also a little surprised at how much he hoped that this knowledge wouldn’t affect their slowly growing friendship.

He knew it would never be anything more than that, but, there was something about John. Awkward, shy, handsome John, that Dorian couldn’t get out of his mind.

“Oh.”

“Sorry I didn’t mention it before, but it hasn’t really come up.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, I just didn’t...I couldn’t tell.” 

Dorian started laughing, and John hated himself. God, he was such a fucking dumbass. ‘Couldn’t tell’? 

“I mean...it doesn’t matter.” That probably wasn’t the right thing to say either. John looked at Dorian desperately, hoping the other man would somehow understand what he was trying to say, but Dorian was still laughing.

“It’s Ok John.” he grabbed his beer mug and clinked it against John’s with a smile. “We’re good, right?”

“Yeah.” Kennex smiled back, feeling relieved. “We’re good.”  
“And like I said, I’m uh...not really ready to jump in to the dating pool, so don’t mention anything to Valerie.”

“Deal.”

“Uncle John, do you have anymore change?” Josh appeared out of nowhere, and it took John a minute to shift gears. “Uh...yeah. Just a minute Joshie.” He dug in his pockets, and watched as Dorian handed the boy some coins.

“Any good games over there, Josh?”

“The racecar one is cool.”

“I think I see Frogger. You wanna play John?”

“Huh?” 

John was still trying to wrap his head around Dorian’s revelation. He’d meant what he said. It didn’t matter to him. Not in the least. He’d gone to art school and then gotten a degree in architecture. He’d had lots of gay friends and acquaintances over the years, so this was no big deal. 

No big deal. Except...it was Dorian, and everything to do with Dorian seemed to be a big deal.

“You want to watch me beat you at Frogger?”

“Sure. I’m just gonna order a couple more beers and I’ll be right there.”

Dorian gave him the patient smile again and nodded, walking away with Josh. As soon as they were out of sight, John grabbed his phone

 

John: Where are you? Need to talk.

Val: We’re at dinner. Is Josh Ok? What’s wrong?

John: Did you know he was gay???

….

John: Valerie!

Val: Who??  
John: Dorian. Did you know?

Val: I’m in the middle of dinner John. Will call you later.

John: Seriously? You can’t answer the fucking question?

Val: He may have mentioned it. Yes.

John’s eyes widened at the text. May have mentioned it, and she didn’t see fit to share that with him. He wondered what else Dorian had “mentioned” that he didn’t know about.

John: What the hell? You never said a word.

Val: It’s Dorian’s personal business John. I figured he’d share when he was ready.

John: But you’re my sister.

Val: ???

John: What time are you getting home? I need to call you.

Val: Where is Josh?

John: Playing video games with Dorian. We had pizza with him.

Val: :)

John stared at the emoticon on his phone. What the fuck was that?

Val: Have fun

John: WTF? what does that mean???

Val: It means, have a good time. Enjoy your evening...something I’d like to do, too.

John: Not THAT. the fucking smiley-face.

Val: We will talk later. Take a deep breath and go play Frogger.

John: I need to talk to you now though…

….

John: Val?

John growled in frustration and hit the speed dial on his phone. The call went straight to Val’s voice mail.

John: Hate you right now.

He jammed the phone in his pocket just as Dorian appeared in front of him.

“You ok?” He asked. He was holding a fresh pitcher of beer and refilled John’s mug.

“Yeah...sorry, I uh...had to check a couple of messages.

Dorian smiled. “Liar.”

John cocked his head in surprise and started to protest.

“You know I’m gonna kick your ass over here. Stop avoiding the inevitable.”

“Kick my ass? You have no idea what you’re in for…”

John, Dorian and Josh spent the next forty-five minutes playing video games and laughing. After the tense trip and boring week he’d had, Dorian really needed this. He missed his own nephew as he watched John urge Josh on as the boy tried to best the racing game he kept playing, and he decided to talk to Nyota about coming for a visit, sooner, rather than later. Maybe he could get his mom out here as well.

By the end of the evening, when they were all out of change and dollar bills, John had declared himself the Frogger champion, and rightfully so. Dorian had to bow to his superior ability.

“How are you at darts, Kennex?” Dorian asked as they walked out into the parking lot.

“Oh man, you don’t want to go there,” John teased. “But, uh, I could probably teach you a thing or two if you’re up for it...sometime.”

Dorian smiled at him and said nothing, and John suddenly felt awkward. He was grateful that it was dark out.

“Bye Coach Dorian.” Josh waived as he climbed in the back of John’s Mustang. John would have let the boy sit in the front seat, but Val would burst a vein if she found out about that, so, he did the responsible thing and stuck the kid in the back.

“Bye Josh. See you next weekend.”  
John had his hand on the car door, trying to think of a way to say goodnight, when Dorian spoke up. 

“Thanks man, I really needed this tonight.” The smaller man smiled up at him and extended his hand.

John stared down at it in confusion for a moment, and then took it, and held on. “Sure. It was really fun.”

“You know, you still owe me a ride.” Dorian glanced at the car.

“Ride?” John looked at him in confusion. 

“In the Mustang.” 

Comprehension dawned and John nodded. “You’re right, I do...I could call you...sometime...”

“Ok.” Next week or whenever.” Dorian reached in his back pocket for his wallet and took out a piece of paper and pen, scribbling something quickly. 

“I wanna see how fast this can go.” Dorian pressed the paper into John’s hand and turned to walk the short distance to his own car.

“Is this your phone number?” John was looking at the back of the receipt Dorian handed him like it was written in Greek.

“Yes John.” Dorian smirked. “were you expecting something else?”

“No...I just…” he gestured with the piece of paper. It had probably been ten years since anyone had actually written their number down for him.

“You’re an old fashioned guy, right? Draft table, old car...I thought you’d appreciate that more than a text.”

Dorian smiled at him again, and John watched him walk away, his mind full of questions.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Val have a chat, and John goes for a ride.

On Sunday morning, John was up early. He decided to forgo his run until later, since Josh was sleeping over. He didn’t want the little boy to wake up and find him gone. Although, they’d stayed up until midnight watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so it wasn’t likely the kid would wake up anytime soon.

He sat at his kitchen table, trying to read the paper, but his eyes kept drifting to the crumpled receipt he’d pulled out of his pocket last night. He didn’t know why the damn thing had him so tied up in knots, but it did. With a sigh, he poured another cup of coffee, and considered calling Val. 

He snorted at the thought. Her phone was probably still turned off. He couldn’t really blame her, now that he thought about it. Just because the idea of a ‘date night’ with Bryan sounded like a special level of hell to him, she did deserve some alone time with her husband. 

Even if he did tallk to her, what was there to say?

Dorian was gay. Not much to debate there. You were either gay or you weren’t, right? It was just more...obvious...with some people than with others. John found himself wondering what kind of person Dorian would date. He’d made a point of saying that he wasn’t dating right now, and didn’t really want to. John could certainly relate to that. 

But, if he was dating…. Suddenly, John shook his head. What the hell was wrong with him? 

Before he could answer that question, there was a knock on the door that led into the garage, and Val walked in with a box of doughnuts.

“Hey. Figured you’d still be passed out from the movie marathon,” she told him.

“Didn’t really sleep too well. Coffee?”

Val nodded and sat the box of sweets on the counter. John lifted the lid and inspected the contents. 

“Don’t touch the bavarian cream. That’s mine. I got you a maple bar.”

John nodded in appreciation and took a cup down from the cupboard for his sister.

She waited while he poured the coffee, and thanked him when he brought her the bavarian cream doughnut.

“Did Josh have fun last night?” she asked.

“Yeah, I think so. He ate good and played that racecar game he likes about fifty times. We watched TMNT and Transformers and then went to bed.”

“Transformers?” Val cringed and John rolled his eyes.

“He’s almost nine for Christ’s sake. What are you waiting for?”

“Please tell me he rode in the backseat of the Mustang.” she said seriously.

“He rode in the backseat. I obeyed the posted speed limit. Happy?”

She took a sip of her coffee and nodded. “You’re a good uncle, John.”

“Thank you.”

“You sometimes suck as a brother though…” She raised an eyebrow at him, and John went on the defensive.

“I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. It was important.”

“You know how rarely Bryan and I get to spend any time alone with our schedules!”

“I’d count that as as plus…” John mumbled the sarcastic remark and Val pinned him with a look. 

“Watch it. or I’ll bring up your relationship track record.” she warned.“You know that last night was a big deal for us. Was the news that Dorian is gay really that earth-shattering?” 

Now John just felt stupid. Not a new feeling really, but when she put it that way…

“No...I mean, I didn’t realize he was.”

“But you don’t care about that do you?”

“You know I don’t.” John answered seriously, surprised that she’d even ask that question.

“So what’s the big deal?”

“You didn’t tell me!” he accused.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to. It came up after you got all upset the other night. He asked if you’d been...if you’d had a bad break up…”

“What did you say?” John demanded.

“I told him yes. I didn’t give many details...really...not a lot.” she amended the statement quickly.

“How many is not a lot, Val?”

“I just said that she was a fucking bitch and I fantasized about killing her. He laughed, he said something about your dimples and..”

“He what?” 

Val rolled her eyes. “It was like, three weeks ago John. I can’t remember everything!”

“I’d appreciate it if, in the future, you’d give me a heads up when you talk about me to other people.” 

“By ‘other people’, you mean Dorian.” When John just glared at her from beneath his heavy brows, Val sighed, trying to gather her wits.

She wasn’t sure what she’d expected to happen when she showed up this morning, but this wasn’t it.

“Why is what I said so important to you all of a sudden? You and Dorian get along. You’re friends, right? Didn’t you have dinner with him last night?”

“Yeah. We’re friends.”

“Well then why…” Val studied her brother for a moment, and then it came to her.

“Oh my God.”

“What?” John fidgeted in his chair and narrowed his hazel eyes at her.

Val covered her mouth with her hand, not sure how to respond. 

It was as if every moment she’d witnessed between her brother and Dorian was playing back like a movie in her mind’s eye. She’d thought about this last night actually and just intended to tease him about it today, but now…it seemed so obvious.

“What goddammit!”

“Do you...do you like him, John?’

Kennex sputtered into his coffee cup. “The hell kind of question is that? Of course I like him. Dorian is a cool guy.”

“That’s not what I mean, honey.”

Val softened her tone a little. Hoping he’d get her meaning so she didn’t have to torture him with this. It was better to do it quick, like pulling off a band-aid.

“I mean...do you have feelings for him. Do you like like him?”

John snorted and immediately got up from his chair.

“You’re crazy.” he told her, as he began pacing the length of the kitchen.

“Well, the way you’re acting…”

“What do you mean, the way I’m acting? I just asked some questions is all.”

“You seem awfully concerned about what Dorian thinks…”

“I just want to know if he knows about my past...situation. It’s personal and I wanted to know if you talked to him about it. That’s it.”

He was still pacing. He grabbed a doughnut out of the box as he passed by and bit into it with fury.

“You expected me to tell you about Dorian, and that was personal. What’s the difference?”

John turned to look at Val and then whipped around, stopping to look out the backdoor onto the deck.

“John,” his sister stood and approached him carefully. “I’m not saying you do...have feelings for Dorian other than friendship. I’m just saying you might have some things to think about.”

“But I’m not gay, Val.” He stared out into the backyard, trying to sort out his jumbled thoughts.

“I didn’t say that either.” she told him, putting a soothing hand on his back. “I just asked how you felt about Dorian.”

“Hi Mom.” 

Val and John turned around to see their favorite eight-year-old standing in the kitchen.

“Hi Sweetheart.” Val walked over to hug her little boy. “How was your night?”

“Really good! Did Uncle John tell you we watched Transformers?”

“He did.” Val gave her brother another sobering look.

“And guess what! Coach Dorian ate pizza with us!”

“I heard about that, too.” Val glanced at John, who was now busying himself by getting out cereal and juice. 

“He and Uncle John had a lot of fun playing video games with me. I could tell cause they laughed a lot. Uncle John was the winner though.”

“The winner?”

“Yeah. Can I have a doughnut please?” 

“Here you go.” John put the box in front of Josh, who picked out a glazed doughnut.

“Coach Dorian said he was the best at Frogger, and Uncle John said there was no way in he…” 

The boy glanced at his uncle and quickly changed the word he was about to use. “no way in heck he was gonna win.”

“No way in heck? That sounds just like your uncle John.”

“He scored the most points three times in a row.”

“Good for you Uncle John.” Val winked and gave him a genuine smile.

“At least somebody appreciates my genius.” John sighed as he sat down across from his nephew.

 

A busy start to the week helped to keep John’s mind off all the questions that his sister had forced him to think about as the weekend drew to a close. By Thursday night however, things were winding down, and John was bored. 

It was a beautiful June evening, still plenty of daylight left, and he was considering taking the Mustang out for a drive. He stared at the crumpled piece of paper that he’d been holding in his hand for the last twenty minutes and then rolled his eyes, disgusted with himself.

“This isn’t fucking high-school, Kennex. Get a grip.” With a loud sigh, he dug his cell phone out of his pocket and punched in the number.

He took a calming breath while the phone rang, and felt something like relief when it went to voicemail. Then, to his horror, he realized he was going to have to leave a message.

“Uh…hey Dorian, it’s John. Kennex. I was wondering...I’m thinking of taking the Mustang for a drive tonight since it’s pretty nice weather...I mean, I’m gonna go for a drive, so uh...if you wanna come…” John rolled his eyes. “I mean, if you wanna go with me, give me a call. Bye.”

“That wasn’t hard at all.” John told himself sarcastically as he grabbed his keys and a bottle of water.

He was just putting the keys in the ignition when his phone rang.

“Dorian? You still wanna go for that ride?”

Twenty minutes later, John and Dorian were standing in front of the Mustang, outside of Dorian’s condominium.

“Are you sure?” Dorian asked with a hesitant smile.

“Yeah,” John smiled broadly and held out the keys. “You drive.”

Dorian took the keys and opened the heavy car door. He settled himself into the low drivers seat and gripped the woodgrain wheel.

“It’s all original. Except for the steering wheel, and I did put in a CD player. John lifted the small arm rest to reveal the electronics within.

“Where do you load the CD’s?”

“In the trunk. Holds twelve.”

Dorian raised his eyebrows. “Wow. That’s cool.” He glanced at John for a moment, a looking a little unsure. “You a country music fan?”

“Not enough that I play it in the car.” John assured him. He smiled again when Dorian breathed a sigh of relief.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with country music…”

John waved his hand in dismissal. “You gonna start it up? I’ll worry about the music.”

Dorian grinned as he turned the key, and the big engine roared to life. There was so much power that the car actually vibrated slightly when it idled.

“Nothing like that sound.” he commented.  
John nodded in agreement, and settled back as Dorian pulled away from the curb.

They’d been cruising for a few minutes when John spoke. “Where do you want to go? Is there somewhere around here where you can open it up?”

Dorian looked over at him and nodded. “Yep.”

“Let’s get to it then. Not afraid of it are you?”

Dorian gave him what could only be described as an evil grin. “Buckle up Kennex. We’re goin’ for a ride.”

John laughed out loud and did as he was told.

Out beyond the subdivision that Dorian lived in, was a long stretch of blacktop that wasn’t heavily traveled. Dorian shifted the car easily as he picked up speed, remembering his grandfather teaching him how to drive in another old Mustang. Driving John’s car felt like coming home.

Dorian navigated the road easily, reaching a speed well over the posted limit as the tires hugged the bends in the road. John wondered idly if they’d end up with a speeding ticket, but quickly decided it was worth the risk. If Dorian did get a citation, John would gladly pay it. Sitting back in this car that he loved, on such a beautiful night, and having someone else to enjoy it with, he felt free.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John runs into his past, and Dorian is there to listen.

John Kennex was getting his ass handed to him in darts.

After their drive, he and Dorian had stopped at a bar that Dorian mentioned offered darts and a good juke box. John figured Dorian would be a decent player, but...shit. He was awesome. Plus, John’s luck was crappy today. 

“This has nothing to do with luck John. It’s all about skill.” Dorian told him as the electronic dart board continued to rack up his points.

“Uh-huh.” John took a swig of beer and watched as Dorian eyed the target again. “I already owe you...eight beers Dee. I think you’ve made your point.”

Dorian turned around with an odd look on his face. “What’d you say?”

“I said I already owe you eight beers. Is it nine?” John grinned at his friend. 

“What did you call me?” Dorian’s tone was softer this time, and John felt himself blush with embarrassment.

“I...uh...Dee. I just kinda came up with it.”

“My sister calls me that sometimes.” 

Dorian smiled at him, and John was feeling that same feeling again. The one that had come over him that night at Val’s, when he and Dorian had first talked about the Mustang. A warm feeling that spread through him from the inside out. 

 

“It’s kind of nice, hearing it. Makes me feel like I’m home.”

John was focused on the label of his beer bottle now as color rose in his cheeks. “What about you?” Dorian asked, walking over to the table.

“Huh?” John glanced up at the dark-skinned man who now stood directly in front of him. 

“Got any nicknames you care to share?”

“Me?” John laughed quietly, and shook his head. “Nah, I’m just John.”

Something about that shy, self-effacing comment made Dorian’s stomach drop. He tried to think of some witty comeback, but all he could do was look at the handsome man sitting in front of him.

He was in trouble. He’d known it that night that John had extolled the wonders of Jello salad, like it was filet mignon. He’d seen a glimpse of sweetness that came out with the dimples, and it had been in the back of his mind ever since.

“Just John?” Dorian picked up his own bottle and took a drink. “Why do I get the feeling there’s a lot more going on in there than most people get to see?”

John ducked his head, and didn’t see dark-haired woman in the striped maxi dress approaching the table. When he looked up again, his eyes widened in shock.

“Hi John,” 

She smiled as he continued to stare blankly at her, and Dorian turned to see who it was that had rendered his friend speechless. The woman had long, almost black hair, pale blue eyes and perfect skin.

She was striking, but he wouldn’t have called her beautiful. There was a hardness to her features that make up couldn’t soften, and he noticed that her smile didn’t make it all the way to her eyes.

“Kate…” John took a breath, and didn’t even try to return her smile. Looking into those blue eyes that he’d once thought were so amazing, made his stomach twist with anxiety. 

“How are you? I saw you sitting here, and I had to come say hello.”

John blinked at her, unsure how to respond. Was he supposed to act like they were old friends?

“I’m uh...I’m good.” He couldn’t bring himself to ask her the same question.

“Who’s this?” The woman inquired, bestowing a smile on Dorian. The dark-skinned man saw the look in John’s eyes. Whoever this was, she was not someone John was at all happy to see.

“Dorian Robinson.” He gave her a perfunctory smile and extended his hand. “I coach John’s nephew in soccer.”

“Kate Melcher. Nice to meet you.”

Dorian saw the confusion clearly on John’s face, and the almost sheepish look that Kate gave him in return.

“I just got married last month,” she explained, flashing her left hand long enough for Dorian to see the impressive platinum bridal set on her ring finger. 

“Congratulations.” John offered, his tone devoid of emotion.

“John I…”

“Can I get you guys another round?” Their perky waitress picked a good time to make an appearance, breaking the tension just a bit.

“Yeah,” John spoke up immediately. “He needs another beer, and I’ll take a shot of whiskey.”

“Actually,” Dorian held up his hand. “Make that two.”

John gave his friend a ghost of a smile and reached over to clink his beer bottle against Dorian’s.

“What about you Kate? Can I buy you a drink?” John’s smile did nothing to disguise the edge in his voice. “You still drink Tanquery and tonic?”

“No thanks,” she deferred. “I’m fine.”

“You sure? Just one for old time’s sake?” The bitterness in John’s tone made Dorian glance up in surprise, as the woman standing between them blushed. John watched her cheeks color, and felt a twisted sense of victory. He wanted to see her squirm, just once. 

“I can bring you another club soda.” The waitress offered. “Nine months is a long time, but it’ll be worth it.” The girl winked and turned on her heel to put in their order.

John knew that all the color must have drained out of his face. His ex-fiance was standing in front of him, having the gall to look apologetic that he now knew she was recently married and pregnant. There had to be a hidden camera somewhere.

Kate glanced up at him and took a breath. “I’m sorry John, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

“Let me guess, you came over here to break it to me gently?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

Dorian just watched the two of them, deciding silence was his best option at this point. 

“Kate is my ex, by the way,” John looked at Dorian, including him in the conversation. “Ex-fiance.”

“Really?” Dorian quickly took a pull off of his beer, having no idea what else to say. This definitely ranked high on his list of “most awkward moments.”

“I came over to say hello,” Kate insisted, and to tell you that I came across a box of your things when I was packing up to move.”

“Haven’t missed anything. Whatever it is, just throw it out.” John looked over her shoulder, toward the bar, willing the waitress to appear with their shots.

“It’s some of your old baseball cards, and comic books. I didn’t think you’d want to be without those.” John just gave a shrug of indifference.

“There’s also some things of your dad’s…” 

Dorian watched as John’s eyes snapped back to focus on Kate at the mention of his father. He also realized at that moment, that he’d never heard John or his sister mention their parents.

“I just thought you might...”

“Send it to my office. Can you do that?”

“Sure, I can do it early next week, if that’s OK.”

John was staring at a spot in the center of the table, his mind a million miles away.

“John?” 

Dorian noticed that Kate started to put her hand on John’s arm, but she pulled away when the big man seemed to hunch forward a bit and fold in on himself.

“That’s fine. Please don’t forget to send it.”

“Of course.” She looked at him for a moment, and when he said nothing more, she turned to Dorian.

“Very nice to meet you...Dorian.”

“Enjoy the rest of your evening.” 

John looked up at that, noting that Dorian didn’t return the pleasantry.

“Take care, John.” 

Her voice sounded sincere, and John looked at her, searching her face. At one time, she had been his whole world. Now, she was somebody from another lifetime.

“Yep.” 

She walked away, her perfume lingering for a moment, and John turned angrily in the opposite direction, scanning the bar.

“How long does it fucking take to get two shots of whiskey?” he demanded.

“I’ll go check on it.” Dorian offered, “Be right back.” 

Alone at the table, John scrubbed his hands over his face, and then gripped the edge of the high top to stop them from shaking.

 

He wasn’t sure how much time had gone by when Dorian reappeared, with not two, but four shots on a tray. 

John huffed out a little laugh as Dorian set the libations on the table. “Figured the first one would go down so fast, you wouldn’t really enjoy it.”

“I think I love you.” John quipped as he grabbed a shot glass.

“To…” Dorian paused, thinking.

“My fucked up lovelife?” 

“How about, one of the most awkward moments I’ve ever lived through?”

John considered that for a moment, then nodded. “That works.” They both downed a shot, with Dorian wheezing just a bit.

“You OK there partner?” John pounded him on the back, and Dorian nodded. “Been awhile since I had whiskey. The second one will go down easier.”

Each man took a breath and reached for their second shot.

“What should we drink to this time?” John asked, swirling the amber liquid in his glass.

“To moving forward.” Dorian smiled, and clinked his glass against John’s. 

“To moving forward.” They downed their drinks and slammed the glasses on the table. Dorian noticed that John glanced in the direction that Kate taken when she left their table.

“You wanna get out of here?” Dorian asked.

John looked back at him, allowing himself to take a deep breath as those blue eyes held his gaze. He felt himself get lost there for a moment, and then nodded.

Dorian smiled, and threw some bills on the table.

“Come on Johnny, let’s go.”

The pair got up and headed for the door. It wasn’t until they were outside that John realized what Dorian had said.

“Who’s Johnny?” he inquired, as Dorian fell in step beside him.

“That’s your nickname.”

John gave Dorian a look “The last time anybody called me Johnny was in third grade. I’m too old for a nickname.”

“You gave me one.” Dorian pointed out.

“You said your sister calls you Dee. If you already have one it doesn’t count.”

“Whatever. It’s your nickname.” 

 

Despite the joking, the pair drove back to Dorian’s condo in silence, with John at the wheel this time. An old Talk Talk song blared from the stereo, prompting Dorian to make a remark about the lead singer, Mark Hollis. John just nodded, but he was mightily impressed. Most people were not moved by his love of somewhat obscure 80’s music. 

The night air whipped by as the car moved down the road. Once they got to Dorian’s, John glanced at his friend. “Thanks for hangin’ out with me…”

“You wanna come in for a minute? Think you need a little while longer for those shots to wear off.”

“Ok. Sure.”

The pair walked up three flights of stairs and Dorian unlocked the door, quickly flipping on a light. The modern condo was pretty much the opposite of John’s traditional colonial home. 

If he had to guess, John would bet the building itself was over 100 years old, but interior had been completely redone. Exposed brick and high, ornate ceilings juxtaposed the warm color scheme and strong, modern lines in the space. Floor to ceiling windows all along the far wall of the apartment offered a beautiful view, and during the day, a flood of natural light. It was a seamless blend of old and new. The architect, and artist within John was impressed. 

 

“Wow. This is really great.”

“Thanks.” Dorian smiled. “I had a place kind of like this back home...in Seattle. I guess I wanted something familiar.”

John noticed the framed photo of a woman and a boy about Josh’s age on one wall. The woman looked to be in her early thirties and had a gorgeous smile. The little boy had a sweet face and big brown eyes.

“Is this your sister?”

“Yeah. That’s my nephew with her. That was about a year old.”

“She’s beautiful.” John commented. “You must miss her.”

“We talk a lot, but it’s not the same.” Dorian headed for the kitchen and John followed.

“Water or Coke?”

“Water’s fine...I can’t imagine not living in the same town as Val.” John said, shaking his head.

“She’s a sweetheart.” Dorian smiled.

“She’s a control freak is what she is...but I love her.”

“Of course you do. Who would keep you in Jello salad if she wasn’t here, right?”

The taller man laughed, and walked back to the main living area, looking out the windows into the night.

“Don’t be shy John, have a seat.”

John sat at one end of the bone colored leather couch, and Dorian sat in a chair across from him.

“So…” he began.

John glanced up, a questioning look in his eyes.

“You wanna talk about it? Might not seem like it, but I am a pretty good listener.”

Dorian winked at him, and John suddenly remembered saying the same thing to Dorian the night they’d had pizza together. He felt himself blushing and ducked his head, shrugging a shoulder at the same time.

“Nothing much to talk about really. We were engaged, and it didn’t work out.”

“If you don’t want to tell me John, I understand.”

“No, it’s ok, I mean...it’s just hard. You think you’ve got everything figured out. You’ve got a plan for your life, and it looks pretty good.” he glanced up, and saw that Dorian was leaned forward a bit in the chair, listening intently. 

“Then one day, you wake up, and everything’s changed. It’s like some parallel universe, with the same people, except, you’ve got no idea who they are, you know?”

Dorian laughed sadly, “Yeah, I do know, actually.”

“We were two and a half months away from the wedding. Had the invitations printed, ready to go.”

“What happened?” Dorian asked gently.

John looked up, and focused on a point over Dorian’s shoulder, and out of the big plate glass windows. Looking him in the eye would have been too much.

“I used to send her flowers every couple of weeks. Red roses, to her office. She told me how much everybody used to comment on them, telling her lucky she was to have a guy who still took the time to do that kind of stuff.”

Dorian listened, feeling surprised. For some reason, even though he didn’t know John that well, he didn’t seem to be the type to send flowers. It made him wish he’d known John before. Before he’d had his heart broken.

“One Tuesday I decided to surprise her and drop by to take her to lunch. I was rounding the corner to her office, and I heard somebody commenting on the beautiful bouquet on her desk.”

John paused, and twisted his hands together nervously. Dorian felt his stomach knot up, knowing that whatever was coming next, was not good.

“It was strange because I hadn’t sent her flowers in a week. Then I heard the woman say how much she loved yellow roses. Kate laughed, and said ‘He knows they’re my favorite.’ John looked at Dorian for a moment.

”My roses were always red.”

Dorian looked shocked, but managed to find his voice. “What...what did you do?” he asked.

John took a drink of water, wishing it was beer...or whiskey. He’d never shared this story with anyone, not even Val. Why he chose to open up about it now, he wasn’t quite sure.

“I got close enough to see the reflection in her office door. The roses were yellow. I turned around and left.”

Dorian blinked at him. “You left? You didn’t say anything?” 

“Pretty fuckin’ sad, huh?”

Dorian sat silently, somehow knowing that John would continue at his own pace. 

“I just drove around for a couple of hours, trying to convince myself that there had to be some, logical explanation why she’d have gotten roses from another man. When I got home, she was already there, and we went out to dinner with some friends.”

Dorian had to close his hand in a fist to keep from reaching over to touch John. He knew there was nothing that hurt quite like realizing that the person that you had given everything to, was not who you thought they were. Not even close.

“That was the beginning of the end, obviously. After that I couldn’t ignore all of the red flags anymore. I tried like hell though.”

Dorian watched John as he continued to gaze out the window, reliving memories. 

“Finally, three weeks before the wedding, we had a sit down, and she called it off. Admitted there was somebody else.”

“That must have been…”

“She actually had the guts to go with me and break the news to Val.”

“Really how did that go?” Dorian asked, curiously.

“It was like a reality show finale.”

Dorian raised his eyebrows, waiting for details.

“Val slapped her. Right across the face.”

Dorian started laughing so hard he choked on his water.

“People are fooled by the angelic face and those big brown eyes. Val doesn’t take anybody’s shit. It would have been worse if I hadn’t stepped in.”

“Why am I not surprised by that.”

“Yeah, there was a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth. I just tried to stay out of the way.”

Dorian found that statement strange, considering that it was John’s life that they were talking about. He suspected the man’s way of dealing with emotional pain was to go on autopilot and not deal with it.

John took a breath, suddenly feeling a little tired. He tried to remember the last time that he’d opened up like this, and realized that he’d never really talked about it. 

Val and Brian had been there from the beginning, and almost everyone else that he was close to at the time had chosen to do the “polite” thing, and not ask a lot of questions. That suited John just fine, since the last thing he wanted to do was analyze all the reasons that his dreams had gone to hell. 

“So, she moved out of the house after that?”

“Actually,” John gave a mirthless chuckle. “She’d never moved in. Something else I made excuses for.” John stood up and walked to the window. “She didn’t like that style of the house. Said it was too ‘old-fashioned’. I told myself she’d change her mind.”  
He turned and looked around Dorian’s modern living space. 

“She’d probably love this place.”

When John noticed a bit of color creep into Dorian’s cheeks, he regretted the statement.

“Sorry...I didn’t mean...this place is great, really, but I was looking for a house to raise a family, you know?”

Dorian nodded, smiling. “You can still do that John.”

“Huh?” Kennex looked at his friend quizzically.

“You can stil have a family, if that’s what you want.”

John lowered his gaze, saying nothing for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was a little shaky

“You know those times in your life when everything just works out, like it’s meant to be?”

“Yes.”

“Our whole relationship seemed like that to me. It seemed almost perfect. Except, nothing’s perfect, right?”

“I don’t follow, John.”

“It didn’t really hit me, until everybody else sort of went on about their business, and I was left with nothing but that big house...I felt like that was my one shot, you know, and I blew it.”

“You didn’t ‘blow it’ John.” Dorian got up and walked to stand next to John, “You…”

“I did.” Kennex insisted. “She played me, and I let her. I didn’t even know her, obviously.” John ran a hand through his hair and let out a long breath. “I promised myself I’d never be put in that position again.”

“You were in love, John. People do a lot of stupid things when they’re in love, believe me. They make excuses, they talk themselves into things…”

“You’re not helping your case here…” John told him.

“Don’t play stupid, you know what I’m talking about.” Dorian gave the other man a long look. “I know you do.”

“Loving that much hurts like hell. Especially when you’re the only one feeling it.”

“Clearly, Kate wasn’t the woman for you.”

John snorted, “You think?”

“How do you know there isn’t somebody else out there who needs you? Somebody worthy of you? Don’t count yourself out just because…”

John felt heat creeping up the back of his neck. “Dorian, I don’t…”

“Nobody said love was easy John. But I’ve been told that when you find the right person, it’s worth it.”

“I thought I had.” 

The broken tone in the handsome man’s voice twisted at Dorian’s heart. He knew that feeling so well. Knew what it was like feeling that you can’t trust your own judgement.

He reached over and barely touched John’s arm, causing the taller man to glance over at him. 

“She hurt you. That’s not your fault.”

Dorian’s voice was calm and quiet, and when John looked down into those blue eyes, he saw only concern and understanding. None of the pity that he was used to. 

John swallowed thickly, as memories of the past, combined with the shock of seeing Kate tonight, weighed down on him. 

“You deserve to be happy, John.”

Dorian took a step closer, and John crumpled against the window, losing the battle against his emotions.

Seemingly of it’s own volition, John’s body leaned toward Dorian, and the other man enfolded him in a hug. John returned the embrace, as the desire for reassurance and human contact overwhelmed him. 

Dorian moved his hand slowly over John’s back, in a comforting gesture, as John’s head dropped to his shoulder. His fingers curled into the fabric of Dorian’s shirt for a moment, but then he backed away.

“Sorry” he mumbled, running a hand over his face to compose himself.

“It’s all right.” Dorian answered, wishing he could do more to calm John’s obviously shredded nerves.

“I...I should get going. Workday tomorrow.” John moved away from Dorian without looking at him, still trying to regain his composure.

“Me too.” Dorian conceded. “Thanks for the ride.” he added quickly, suddenly afraid John was going to leave without saying another word.

“Yeah.” John turned to face him with one hand on the door. “That was...great. It’s nice to know somebody else loves my car.”

Dorian just smiled at him and John felt himself blushing for some reason. “I uh...sorry about…”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for John. Nothing at all.”

Kennex considered that for a moment, and simply nodded, opening the door. Dorian followed him out and watched him amble down three flights of stairs. He turned around once and waived, before getting into the Mustang.

“Good night Johnny…”

Dorian whispered the words to himself as he watched John drive away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much love to my girls, who listen, encourage and brainstorm with me. They make me a better writer and i'm lucky to have them in my corner!!  
> Readithoney, WeWillSpockYou, NaughtyPastryChef. This chapter, and this story, would not be possible without you!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian talks to his sister, and John keeps to himself. They both have a revelation.

“Hey big brother!” He could hear her smile through the phone and he returned the gesture. “How’s life in the Windy City?’

“Doing alright. Just needed to talk to my sister for awhile.”

“I see.” Nyota turned off the kitchen light and walked into the TV room to sit in her favorite chair. Inevitably when Dorian called late at night like this, she was in for a long chat.

“Is Michael in bed already?” Dorian asked as Ny put her feet up.

“It’s 10:30. He was in bed two hours ago.”

“Oh...yeah. Guess I didn’t think about that.”

“Ok, hit me.” Nyota commanded.

“What?” Dorian chuckled at his sister’s proclamation.

“Hit me with it. I can tell there’s drama on the horizon.”

Dorian huffed indignantly. “I can’t just call you to say hello? There’s no…”

“Honey, it’s 10:30 on a Wednesday night. You never call this late unless something is up, so...I’m all settled in. Fire away.”

Dorian sighed, and wandered into his bedroom. His feelings were pretty much a jumbled mess. He had no idea where to start, or how to explain it, because really, the whole thing was hopeless.

“There’s no point in even talking about it really, because nothing’s going to come of it. It’s just…”

“Are you going to define what ‘it’ is?” she interrupted.

Dorian sighed again as he sank down on the bed, and decided to dive in.

“It’s a boy. Only...he’s just a friend, and he’s not interested in dating right now, and he…”

“Oh no...”

“ ‘Oh no’? That’s your first response?”

“Sorry. Continue.”

“His nephew is on the soccer team I coach. He’s got this great old Mustang, the same year as the one grandpa had. We took a drive in it tonight.”

“Really?” Nyota smiled, thinking back on all the places she’d gone with Dee in their grandpa’s car. She could only imagine how much he enjoyed talking to someone else who loved old muscle cars like he did.

“So did you have a good time?” she asked cautiously.

“Yes and no.”

Now it was Nyota’s turn to sigh. Her brother had such a big heart, and she wanted more than anything for him to find someone who could love him in the way that he deserved to be loved. So far though, he’d hadn’t had any luck. He always seemed to fall for the “perfect” guy, only to find the opposite was true once the mask was pulled back. 

“Dorian, I know you said he wasn’t interested in dating, so what’s the problem? It’s time you started making some real friends there.”

There was a long pause, and Nyota wondered if she’d said something wrong. Whatever was going on here, her brother was obviously tied in knots over it.

“I think he could be a good friend.” Dorian agreed. “He’s kind of quiet at first, but after you talk to him for awhile...he’s funny, and really...sweet. He...”

“You like him.” It was a statement, rather than a question, and Dorian knew he was screwed.

He grabbed the pillow from underneath his head and put it over his face, growling in frustration. Yes, he liked John. He liked him. Now that it been said out loud, there would be no going back.

“Look,” Nyota began, “You don’t have to freak out over it. He’s not on the market right? God...I hope he doesn’t already have a boyfriend...does he?”

“Ny…”

“Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know that part.” Despite the fact that they were on the phone, she put up her hand to stop him. “You can just tell him that you’re getting over...you know...you’re working through some stuff.”

“You can say it out loud, Ny.” Dorian rolled his eyes.

“What? You’re definitely working through stuff. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have moved halfway across the country.”

“‘ Working through stuff’ is your code for getting out of a fucked up situation?”

“Have you told him anything about it?”

“No.” Dorian answered emphatically. He sat up, his stomach churning at the idea of John knowing what a mess he’d made of his life in Seattle. 

Honestly, if he could just erase that part of his life altogether, he would. With a sigh, he pulled up the hem of his shirt, to look at his scar. It could never be erased, and would never completely heal. No matter how far away he ran, it would be there, a physical reminder of his mistakes.

“You ok?” Nyota asked, concern in her voice.

“Yeah...yeah. Just confused. Dee laughed sadly, “What else is new huh?”

“I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” she told him. “It’s great that you made a friend there. I don’t know...maybe…”

“There’s one more thing.” Dorian squeezed his eyes shut. He had to tell her the rest. Best to do it quickly, like taking out a splinter, or pulling off a band-aid.

“What...wait..before you tell me, can I ask you something? Something totally shallow and unimportant…”

“Absolutely.”

“Is he cute?”

“He’s beautiful...and he’s…”

“What? Nyota prompted.

“He’s straight.” 

“He’s...Jesus Dorian…are you serious?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Dorian flopped back on the bed again and threw his arm over his face. 

“Well, if he’s straight, that pretty much solves your problem.” Nyota stood up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of wine. She figured she’d need it before this conversation was over.

“I know.” Dorian sighed, feeling like he was between a rock and a hard place. If John were gay, this would be the totally wrong time to start any sort of relationship with him. Since he was straight though, it was never going to happen. Still, there had been a moment tonight...a couple of moments actually when there was something…

“Dee are you listening to me?”

“Yes...no actually. What did you say?”

“I said please don’t spend the next six months pining for this guy.”

“Funny you should say that. I think he’s been pining for his ex-fiance...at least he was until very recently.”

“Straight boy on the rebound.” Nyota took a sip of wine. “This sounds like a TV show.”

“Shut up.” Dorian huffed.

“So what happened with them? Any idea?”

“Yes. I can pretty much give you the whole story if you want to hear it.”

“What...did he cry on your shoulder?”

“I don’t think he meant to, but it kinda turned out that way.”

A few minutes later, Dorian had given Nyota most of the high points of his evening with John.

“Wow, so she actually came up to you guys at the bar...was she a bitch?”

“She tried to come off as sincere. Didn’t work. After she left, we had a couple of shots and came back here.”

“I’m not surprised he talked to you about it. People always open up to you.”

“It’s a blessing and curse.” Dorian joked.

“Well, he may be a nice guy Dee but, clearly he’s got baggage.”

“So do I.”

“You’re talking about this like it’s got somewhere to go Dorian. He’s straight, so it’s a dead end. End of story.”

When she didn’t get a response, Nyota sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose.  
“Dee?”

“He called me that. Last night.” came the reply. “He didn’t even know it was my nickname.”

Nyota sighed tiredly. “God give me strength.”

“You know you’re not making me feel any better Ny!”

“Well what do you want me to say, honey? How do you see this turning out?”

Dorian let out a long breath, and turned on his side, pulling his knees up to his chest. “I don’t know. I know you’re right...it’s just…” he closed his eyes, the lump in his throat making it impossible to finish the sentence. 

“Just what, honey?”

Another moment passed before Dorian found his voice. “After everything that happened, I didn’t think...it’s just nice to feel something again, even if it is hopeless.”

For some reason, Nyota felt a giggle welling up in her chest. Her poor, overly-romantic brother, all twisted up over some straight guy that he hardly knew. It wasn’t funny, but it was so them.

“You are one of a kind Dorian Robinson.” She told him.

“Thank God for that…” he sighed

 

 

 

John took the long way home, despite the late hour. Driving always helped him sort out his head, or at least helped him calm down enough that he might be able to get some sleep. Tonight might be a challenge though. He sighed and turned up the radio a little louder, trying to get lost in the music.

What the hell had he been thinking? He’d told Dorian about the roses. That was something he’d kept buried for months, and tonight, it just tumbled out. He could’ve just hit the high spots about the disastrous last few weeks of his life with Kate and left it at that, but for some reason, he wanted Dorian to know the whole thing. 

There was something about Dorian...the way he listened, his incredibly blue eyes never wavering from John’s face, the understanding and encouragement in his voice.  
John could blame it on the alcohol, or the flood of memories that assaulted him when he saw Kate standing that bar, with another man’s ring on her finger, or maybe just simple loneliness, and needing to have someone else say that they understood. Maybe it was all of those things, but there was something else too. A pull that went beyond the need for just another person. 

It was a need for this specific person. For Dorian. Alone in his car, with nothing but the music for company, John realized that this feeling had been there since that day they met on the soccer field, and it had only grown stronger since then. Tonight, he hadn’t wanted to let go when Dorian’s arms held him close. 

What he was going to do about this realization, he had absolutely no idea.

Pulling into his driveway, John cut the engine to the Mustang and walked slowly into the house. He tried to turn his mind off, going through his usual nightly routine. It wasn’t until he was ready to climb into bed that he glanced at his phone, tossed on the nightstand when he fished it out of his pants pocket earlier. He hadn’t even glanced at it once after he and Dorian had started playing darts earlier. 

There was a text from Val, asking what he was up to, and if he was going to come over for dinner on Friday night. He didn’t want to talk to Val, which felt strange. She was his confidant, his buddy. He was closer to her than anyone else, but he couldn’t share this. Not yet anyway. He put the phone down, but then quickly grabbed it again, and before he could talk himself out of it, sent a text to Dorian.

John: Hey. Made it home alive. Thanks again for taking a ride with me.

….

He stared at his phone, not expecting a reply. Dorian seemed like the sensible type that would already be asleep. He took a deep breath. He’d sent the text, and there had been no immediate consequences. That gave him the courage to send one more.

John: You’re right. You are a good listener. 

He pressed send, and put the phone down on the nightstand, somehow able to breathe a little easier as he laid down to wait for sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow...can't believe I'm up to 10 chapters!! Thanks to everyone who is still reading. Even though it's a slow build, I promise, Dorian and John will get together...this chapter brings us closer for sure. Just to add to the background of the chapter, this is the song that John is listening to in the Mustang on the way home from Dorian's : http://youtu.be/YiOyJj9h25s.  
> Hope the link works. It's 'Such a Shame' by Talk Talk. I heard the song when I first started working on this fic, and it became my song for John. He's been hurt and he's not sure how to make the changes in his life to get to a better place. He's stuck. Now, he's finding himself drawn to Dorian, and both characters will struggle to accept that they can be loved for who they are. They both need to make changes in how they see themselves, so they can be happy. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their talk the previous evening, John and Dorian have another "moment" that will force John to reevaluate their relationship.

John had been holed up in his office all morning, battling a project deadline and his wandering mind. He’d half expected to see an answer to the texts he’d sent Dorian last night. but so far...nothing. Usually he growled in frustration any time his phone rang or buzzed with a text. Now the thing sat on the edge of his desk, mocking him with silence. Finally with a sigh, he pushed back from the drawings that littered his work space and stood up to stretch.

“Morning John!” 

The sound of a cheery, Scottish brogue brought John out of his reverie, and he looked up to see Montgomery Scott standing in the doorway of his office. The smiling Scotsman was a talented architect, and a nice guy. He and John used to go out for a beer every so often, but after John’s engagement ended and he’d turned into a hermit, they really hadn’t seen each other at all outside of the office.

“Hi Scotty. What’s up?”

“Saw you out last night. I was gonna stop by your table and say hello, but things looked a little intense.”

John laughed a bit ruefully. “Guess everybody was out last night. I ran into my ex.”

“I thought she looked familiar.” Scotty gave a sympathetic smile. “You alright laddie?”

John nodded, “I’m getting there.”

“Good. Next time you want to go out for a cold one, give me a ring.”

John gave his friend a smile, and was startled when his cellphone buzzed loudly. Scotty nodded and went on his way, and John tried not to grab his phone too quickly. He looked at the screen and felt his stomach flip when he saw the name of the caller. He closed his eyes and pressed the answer button

“Hi Dorian.”

“Hi. I hope I’m not bothering you John. Are you busy?”

“No...I mean...I have a deadline this afternoon, but that’s nothing new. How are you?” John took a breath, as he tapped his foot nervously under the desk. 

“Good...I uh, I’m calling to ask you a favor.”

“Sure.” John answered.

“You haven’t even heard what it is yet.” 

John could hear the smile in the other man’s voice, and found himself smiling back. “Does it involve my car?” he asked.

“No.” Dorian laughed. 

“Then I’m not worried about it, but uh…” John glanced at his watch, “what are you doing for lunch?” When the other man didn’t answer right away, John’s brow furrowed. 

“Dee?”

“I don’t have any lunch plans.” Dorian said quickly, finding his voice.

“Good. I’m a lot more apt to say yes when there’s food involved”

 

Since John’s firm was on Michigan Avenue and Dorian’s office was nearby, they decided to meet in the middle, on the steps of the Art Institute. Dorian had arrived first, and was scanning the crowds for John. He tried to focus on the fact that they were meeting so that Dorian could ask him for a favor, and nothing else, but he was still nervous. He glanced at his watch again, and when he looked up, he John walking toward him.

He’d never seen John Kennex in anything other than jeans. Today, he wore charcoal grey suit pants, and a bright white shirt that complimented his olive skin. If he had been wearing a tie, it was long gone. His hair was just as messy as always, but with the shirt sleeves rolled up and the suit jacket slung over his arm, he looked like something out of GQ. That thought in his head sounded cliche, but, Dorian couldn’t deny it. He wondered if the man had any idea how gorgeous he was. 

“Hi.” John nodded to him as Dorian stood up from the bench that he’d been sitting on, and the pair shook hands. “Sorry I’m a little late. It’s always hell trying to get out of the office.”

“No worries.” Dorian smiled. “I uh...hardly recognized you.” He gestured toward the suit jacket and a blush colored John’s already ruddy cheeks. 

“Had a meeting this morning.” John gave a nervous laugh. “Tie didn’t last long.”

“You clean up pretty good Kennex.” Dorian winked at him and John felt the blush go all the way to his hairline.

For his part, John noticed that the purple dress shirt Dorian wore made his eyes seem a deeper blue than usual. He wondered if he’d ever be able to look at the other man without being even a little shocked at how beautiful those eyes were. 

“John?”

“Huh?” Kennex realized that Dorian had asked him a question, and that he’d been staring.

“I said do you want to grab a hot dog?”

“Sure.” John cleared his throat nervously and glanced around. There were usually two hotdog vendors per person in downtown Chicago, but they seemed to be in short supply today.

“Come on,” Dorian smiled and motioned for the other man to follow. They found one just around the corner, and as John loaded his dog with sauerkraut and peppers, he watched Dorian squeeze a careful line of mustard, and then ketchup onto his own.

Dorian felt John’s dark eyes on him and glanced up. “What?”

“Nothing…” John took a bite of his own creation and watched Dorian carefully chew his. 

“You’re watching me eat man…” Dorian said after a moment, his lips curving into a bit of a smile. 

“Sorry.” John spoke around the food in his mouth. “It’s uh...you just don’t seem like a hotdog kind of guy. No offense.” He added the disclaimer when he saw the look on Dorian’s face.

“What kind of ‘guy’ do I seem like?” Dorian asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“The salad kind.” John answered, taking another big bite. “Or maybe sushi.” He took a swig of Dr Pepper as Dorian watched in horrified fascination.

“So you’re saying I’m a food snob?” Dorian smirked. 

“No...You just seem like you’d eat healthier is all.”

“I’m in Chicago man. Trying to immerse myself in the city.” He smiled and sat next to John on the bench that they had walked to. “That...and I’m trying to butter you up for this favor.” He bumped against John’s shoulder with his own, and the bigger man laughed. 

“I knew it.” Kennex sat down his hot dog and leaned back on the bench. Dorian noticed the medal that John wore on a silver chain around his neck, and wondered if it was warm against the skin of his sternum. 

“Let me have it.” he smiled. “What’s the favor?”

“So...twenty-five kids weekend after next?”

“Yeah, they asked me to do the clinic since the team made it to the championships. They want to see if they can get more sign-ups for the winter league.”

“Are you gonna coach again?”

“Maybe.” Dorian shrugged. “Probably. Is Josh going to play?”

John gave him a look. ”Did you think he wouldn’t if he knows you’re coaching?”

Dorian smiled, feeling pride well in his chest. He’d originally agreed to coach short term until they found somebody else, never realizing how much he would get out the deal. 

“So what do you say? You’re not gonna leave me alone at the mercy of twenty-five kids…are you?” 

Dorian stared at him with those big blue eyes, and John felt that feeling in his stomach again. Not wanting to think about that too much, he took a hurried bite of his hot dog and looked out at the people out on their lunch hour.

“Sure...sure I’ll do it.” John glanced back at Dee and smiled. 

Dorian smiled back, and then noticed that John had a smear of mustard on his face, just under his bottom lip.

“What?” Kennex grabbed at a napkin, his dark brows knitting together when he saw Dorian’s eyes focused on his mouth. 

“You’ve got…” 

“What?” John asked again, looking down at his shirt.

Not thinking, Dorian leaned forward and turned John’s face a bit, moving to swipe the offending condiment from the man’s chin. At that same moment, John licked his lip, the pink tip of his tongue touching the pad of Dorian’s thumb.

Instantly, John backed away, Dorian gasped, and hazel eyes locked onto blue. John held his breath, the taste of Dorian’s skin still in his mouth. Dorian’s hand seemed suspended in midair for a few moments, and then someone’s cellphone rang. 

“Um...that’s mine.” Dorian said, his voice sounding a bit strained. He grabbed the phone out of his pocket, fumbling with it before he answered.

John stood up and took a few steps away, telling himself it was to give the other man privacy. In reality, he was trying to pull himself together, so as not to appear affected by whatever the hell had just happened. The hard on he was now trying to will away, betrayed exactly how “affected” he was. He cleared his throat, and glanced back at Dorian, who was talking on the phone.

“Yeah...no I got it. As soon as I get your email I’ll get that wrapped up. Sounds good. “ He glanced up at John and the bigger man looked away quickly, obviously uncomfortable. Dorian felt the familiar knot in his stomach tighten. He ended the call and stood up, as John glanced at his watch.

“Sorry,” Dorian apologized. John looked stricken for a moment as the dark-skinned man quickly continued. “for the phone call..I didn’t…”

“It’s fine…” John waved his hand, his body still turned away from Dorian. “I got go though. Gotta meet that deadline…”

“Sure.”

“I’ll...I’ll see you.” John ran a hand through his hair, feeling horribly awkward. He could see that Dorian looked equally uneasy. “So…”

“Thanks John. For the favor.” The pair stared at each other for a long moment. “You still want to do it...right?”

“Yeah.” John answered quickly, and then felt like he might throw up. “I gotta get going. I’ll call you..before the clinic thing.”

“Sure. Bye John.” 

Dorian watched as John walked quickly away, disappearing into the afternoon crowd. Once he was alone, he sat down on the bench again and let out a world weary sigh.

 

John made it seven blocks before he had to stop. Rather than sit down on a bench, he leaned up against a building and struggled to take a deep breath. It had been months since he’d had a panic attack, but he could feel one coming on right now. Closing his eyes and forcing himself to breath through his nose, he felt around in his pocket for his cell phone, and punched the second speed dial button without even looking. Exhaling slowly, he brought the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Val?” As soon as he heard her voice, John gave up all hope of trying to keep his own calm.

“Hey...what’s wrong?”

“Can you…” John swallowed thickly, then continued. “Can you come over tonight? Are you busy?”

“What’s wrong honey? Where are you?”

“I’m walking back to work. I just...had lunch.” He took another breath, and then another. At least now his heart wasn’t quite so close to beating out of his chest and falling out on the pavement.

“Did something happen? What is it, John?”

“I’m Ok. I just need...I need to talk to you about...I need to talk to you.” 

Val could hear in her brother’s voice that he was having a panic attack. It had been forever since that had happened, at least as far as she knew, and her mind raced, wondering what had brought this on. Still, if he needed to get back to work, this was not the time for twenty questions.

“OK. I’ll come by tonight around 6:30. Do you need me to come earlier?”

“No.” John let out another breath. “That’s fine. Six-thirty is fine.”

“Sure?” 

“Yeah.” John pushed his body away from the building and began to walk more slowly in the direction of his office. I’ll...I’ll see you then. Thanks kiddo.”

“Love you, John.”

“Me too.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both of the boys talk to the women in their lives, trying to sort out their feelings.

John was sitting on the couch, his mind still going in circles, when Val arrived that evening. She took in the scene and figured whatever had happened today, it hadn’t been good. 

“Dum Dum Girl” was on repeat in the CD player, and he was still in his work clothes. Eyeing the half empty bowl of leftover jello salad on the coffee table, she put down her bag and moved to sit next to her brother.

“I would have brought you some dinner.” she told him.

“Not hungry. Thanks though.”

With a sigh, she picked up the dirty bowl and took it to the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of water for herself and one for John, and headed back into the living room.

“Did you want to change?” she asked. In most instances, John never wore dress clothes for a moment longer than was necessary. He glanced down at himself and shrugged. 

“What’s wrong John?” she put a gentle hand on his back, rubbing gently.

Her brother looked at her, unsure where to begin. 

“Whatever it is honey, just tell me. Is it that bad?”

“I met Dorian for lunch today.”

John leaned forward, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together, his head down. Val wished she could see the look in his eyes, but she stayed silent, letting him go at his own pace.

“He asked me to help him with a soccer clinic in a couple of weeks. He’s going to coach again this winter, so if Joshie wants to play…” Trailing off John finally glanced up, his eyes dark and unsure. He looked utterly lost.

“John…”

“Do you remember what you asked me?”

Val smiled ruefully. John had a tendency to assume that his sister could read his mind, or at the very least, that she was privy to whatever inner dialogue he had going on in his head. He always expected her to immediately be able to follow any line of thought that he was in the middle of navigating. Normally a random question like this would earn a sarcastic response, but not today.

“About what honey?”

“Dorian. About Dorian.”

Val thought for a moment, and one particular question came to mind. “I asked how you felt about him.” She said.

“No” John corrected. “You asked if I had feelings for him.” He held her gaze for a moment before glancing away again, and then pushed himself up from the couch. Making his way into the kitchen, John opened the cabinet that held his liquor, and took out a shot glass.

“Need some company?.” Val smiled, leaning against the doorway as John pulled down his whiskey.

“OK”. John said quietly.

The fact that he agreed so easily was worrisome to Val. She was an Irish girl and could hold her drink, but she was still his little sister, and the mother of his nephew. John didn’t like to do what he called “serious drinking” with her.

He carried the two shots to the counter and pushed one toward her. She knew this wasn’t the time to try to joke with him, or suggest a “toast”, so she just downed the amber liquid and slammed her shot glass on the counter.

“I can wait as long as you want to John.” Val put her chin in her hand and looked up at her brother. 

“You were right.” He answered quickly, and was surprised at the small bit of relief he felt at saying it out loud. 

“About Dorian?” 

“Yes.” John looked at his empty glass and then walked back to the other side of the kitchen to pick up the bottle. 

Val nodded, and considered what question to ask next. 

“Did you talk about it at lunch today?” John gave her a horrified look that told her the answer to that was a resounding no. 

“What happened?” she pushed.

John sat silently, trying to think of where to start. The whole thing was so vivid in his own mind, but explaining it anybody else…

“Do you want me to ask yes or no questions?” Val smirked and John rolled his eyes. 

“He...he touched me.”

Val’s eyes went wide and John immediately regretted the statement.

“He touched my chin Val...actually it was my…”

“Why would he touch your chin?” 

“Because…” John groaned and laid his forehead on the counter. “Fuck.”

“John, if you want me to help you with this you’ve gotta…”

“I know, alright. I know I have to explain it.” He grabbed the bottle and poured another shot, downing it quickly. 

“Just do it quick and dirty…” Val swallowed a giggle at her word choice and ignored the murderous look from her brother. “Just hit the high spots and get this part over with.”

“We were eating hotdogs, I got some mustard on my chin and he reached over to wipe it off with his...his thumb.”

Val nodded. This didn’t sound so bad. She could easily picture Dorian doing something like that. John had some personal space issues with most people, but it was easy to see that Dorian wasn’t one of them. He’d broken down John’s defenses without even trying.

“I...I stuck out my tongue at the same time…” John made a motion with his hand, his expression showing that he was hopeful Val would make the leap here without needing the details spelled out.

“So your tongue touched his thumb? Is that it?”

John nodded, and that same confused anxious look passed over his handsome face. 

“So?” Val toyed with her empty shot glass. “I mean, it’s kind of gross from a hygiene standpoint, but, so what?”

John stared at her, like he was truly wounded. “I felt it. Everywhere.”

Val looked at him for a moment, and then comprehension dawned. “Oh. Oh…” She considered this for a moment before continuing.

“So...do you think Dorian felt it too?” 

John ran a hand through his hair, and felt for a moment like he might have another panic attack. He’d assumed that Val would understand all of this in twenty words or less, but realized now what a ridiculous assumption that had been. His feelings were such a jumbled mess, he doubted anyone could sort them out. Now she sat looking at him hopefully, as if she really expected him to answer her question.

“As soon as all that happened I left. Jesus Val...I left him standing there, looking like a wounded puppy for fuck’s sake.” John shook his head, hating himself for his cowardice.

“Well if you think he…”

“I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking you Valerie, because I don’t have a fucking clue what to do here! I’m forty-two years old, and I’ve discovered that I...I’m attracted to another man.”

Val sat back and listened, as the floodgates opened.

“And before you ask the question, the answer is no, I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. So it’s a little bit of a shock. I kept ignoring it, or...I don’t know...thinking I was just happy to have a friend after these last six shitty months...or it was because he liked my car…”

“Well,” Val began cautiously, “It is those things too, isn’t it?”

John put his head in his hand and took a breath. “Is it? I…”

Val reached over and squeezed his forearm, keeping her hand there. but not saying anything.

“I like talking to him. He’s funny. Do you know how long it’s been since I laughed with anybody...besides you I mean?”

Val smiled, just listening.

“Then when we saw Kate…”

“You saw Kate? When?”

“Last night. We went for a drive in the Mustang and stopped to play darts. She was there.”

Val nodded, and tried to keep her temper in check. Just the mention of that woman’s name could send her over the edge. She tried to remember that this conversation was about John and Dorian, not about John and the bitch that had ripped his heart out.

“What happened?” she asked evenly. 

“Nothing. I mean...it was awkward as hell. She’s married by the way, and apparently, pregnant.” John arched a brow and Val was so angry she was sputtering.

“That bitch! You mean she actually…”

“I don’t want to talk about her. Can we just focus on my...my sexuality please?” John poured his sister another shot and one for himself as well.

“That is a question I never thought I’d hear you ask.” Val looked at him seriously, but couldn’t keep it up for long. When her lips twitched in a smile John rolled his eyes.

“This isn’t funny Val. Seriously, my head is so…”

“Sorry...you’re right. I have to admit, I’m a little...hurt that you didn’t share this thing about Kate with me earlier, but, clearly, you had other things on your mind.”

John leveled her with a look. “Thank you.”

“So what did Dorian think of her?”

John shrugged. “He didn’t really say. He was polite, but not really nice, I guess. We went back to his place and he...he just let me talk for awhile. It felt weird, talking to somebody about all of that but, not weird talking to Dorian. Does that make sense?”

Val nodded. 

“I want to be around him, but I don’t know how he feels. I mean...he thinks I’m straight...I thought I was straight...and now, I’ve probably fucked the whole thing up anyway so…” Once again John laid his head down on the counter. 

“I’m fucked.”

“No you’re not.” Val said, putting her hand on his head. 

“How do you know?” John mumbled into the granite. “You’re not reinventing yourself at forty-two. You’re still in your thirties for Christ’s sake!”

“Is that what you’re calling it?” she asked. “Reinventing yourself?”

John turned his head to look at her but said nothing.

“You’re still you John.” Val smiled at him and John sighed, sitting up again. “Have you considered this is about the person, and not just about the fact that he’s a man?”

“Huh?”

“Maybe the reason that you’re just now feeling this way about a man is because...the right man finally came along.” She took hold of his hand, and squeezed.

“We can’t help who we love John. It just is.” She’d expected him to freak out at hearing the word ‘love’ but he didn’t. She took that as a sign of progress and decided to forge ahead. “The question is, what are you going to do about it?”

“What can I do?” he shrugged hopelessly. “I acted like an ass today…”

“You could explain yourself. I have a feeling Dorian would be happy to listen.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m such a catch...totally have my shit together. I’m sure he’d be all over it.” He stood up then, offering one last pour before capping the bottle. Val shook her head and took a breath.

“You might be surprised…”

John turned quickly, and pinned her with a look. “What’s that supposed to mean? Did he say…”

“No,” Val put her hands up when he took a step toward her. “No, he didn’t, but I’m not blind John. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” John stood frozen to the spot, feeling the heat of a blush on his face.

"I've seen the way you look at him too." When Val smiled at him, John raised his eyes to the ceiling in helplessness. 

“God this is embarrassing…”

“Why? I think it’s sweet.”

“I feel like I’m in fucking high school all over again.”

“He does have really pretty eyes huh?”

John’s mouth opened to respond, but no words would come out. Val winked at him and John shook his head. “This is hopeless.” he sighed. 

“Just talk to him.” Val urged. “If it was as bad as you’re making it sound then you owe him some sort of explanation at least.”

John sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, nodding his head.

“You know what Josh said to me the other day?” Val asked in what seemed like an abrupt change of subject.

“It’s something bad isn’t it?” John’s forehead creased with worry.

“No. You’re such a pessimist, Jonathan.” Val smiled at him . “He said he wants to go out for pizza with you and Dorian again because it’s so much fun.”

John stood still as the words sank in. “He said that?”

Val nodded.

“When’s his next soccer game? Maybe…”

‘Last one before the big game is this weekend. Saturday at 11.”

“Saturday...well, that gives me a couple of days to figure out what the hell I’m gonna say…”

*************

 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Dee.” Nyota’s upbeat voice came across the phone line, but did nothing to lift her brother’s mood.

“Hi.” he answered in a flat tone.

“I was just calling to check in. You don’t sound so good. What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Dorian lied. “Just a long day...how are you?” He had just walked in the door after a run that did little to get calm his racing mind. Quickly removing his running shoes, he walked over to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

“Just living the dream.” she smiled. “Dropped off Michael at his dad’s tonight.”

“Is that going any better?” Dorian asked, flopping onto the couch. He’d been thinking about what had happened with John all afternoon. It felt good to talk about something else.

“I guess.” Nyota sighed. “The new fiance isn’t so bad. At least she helps Mike with his homework when he’s over there. I daresay she’s making Darren realize he needs to spend more time with his son. God knows the man won’t listen to me.”

“That’s good,” Dorian commented, trying to sound encouraging.

“Word of advice from your little sister. Don’t ever get divorced. It sucks.”

“I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that.” Dorian sighed. “You have to get married before you can get divorced, and you have to be dating someone to be in the running for marriage. Not to mention the whole matter of being in love. So...I don’t think divorce is gonna be an issue for me.”

Dorian chuckled, but Nyota didn’t miss the wistful tone in her brother’s voice.

“What’s wrong Dee? Is there something you want to talk about?”

“Not really.” Dorian leaned back on the couch and looked up at the ceiling. “It was just...just something that happened at lunch today. I just...I made a mistake I think.”

“So...do you want to talk about something else? How’s your friend?”

“My friend?” Dorian was thrown off for a moment, not sure who Nyota was referring to.

“The cute straight guy. I don’t think you told me what his name was…”

“John. His name is John.” Dorian answered quietly. “Actually, after today, I’m not sure we’re going to be friends anymore.”

Nyota paused. She could hear the sadness in Dee’s voice, and wished that she could just reach out to give her brother a hug. She hated that he lived so far away.

“What happened?” Nyota asked with concern. 

“It’s...it’s actually kind of funny…” Dorian said as he began to explaining the events of the afternoon to his sister. 

“You did what?” she asked, interrupting him.

“He had mustard on his chin. I didn’t want it to get on his shirt.”

“Uh-huh. I’m sure that was the reason. Go on.”

“So I reached over, and he…” Dorian paused, his face heating up at the memory.

“What?” Nyota pressed when the pause had gone on for too long. “You’re killing me.”

“He stuck out his tongue at the same time so…” Dorian held his breath for a moment, waiting to hear Nyota’s reaction. 

“So...what? His tongue touched your thumb? Gross.”

Dorian rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“It was a moment, Nyota. One of those moments where you...goddammit just forget it! You had to be there.”

Nyota bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. “Sorry Dee. I guess it’s been awhile since I’ve had any electric moments with somebody.”

“Well it was. Electric.” Dorian closed his eyes, remembering exactly what it felt like.

“I thought you said he was straight.”

“Yeah, well...whether he is or not I’ll probably never know.”

“Did he freak out a little?”

“A lot.” came the reply. “It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have...I forgot about personal space for a minute. We had that good talk last night and he asked me to lunch.”

“He likes you. That’s why he freaked out.” Nyota commented. 

“I don’t think so. I mean, he needs a friend not…” Dorian let out a breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. The headache that he’d been sporting all afternoon was back again. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I fucked up so, let’s just move on.”

“What did he say to you? Was he…”

“He wasn’t anything Ny. The guy’s got a lot on his plate, ok? The last thing he needs is...it was probably all in my head anyway. Like you said, I’m acting like this had somewhere to go and it didn’t.”

Nyota was silent listening to her brother. Obviously, he liked this guy more than he wanted to admit. She wanted to see Dorian happy, but the last thing he needed was some sexually confused guy who just got out of a failed relationship. Better to cut his losses now before he got in too deep. 

“I’m sorry Dee, but I guess if this was gonna happen, better now than later, right?”

“Right.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't take long for John to realize that he has to face his feelings for Dorian.
> 
> A short chapter, but I hope you enjoy! More to come shortly

In the dream, he didn’t pull away from Dorian’s touch. He leaned into it. The dark-skinned man smiled as John moved closer, his full lips brushing against Dorian’s, softly at first, both of them sighing with need. 

This was what he wanted. This was what he’d been thinking about since that day at the soccer field, wondering what Dorian would feel like. What he would taste like. He let his hands move from the smaller man’s waist to his back, pulling Dorian almost into his lap, and moaning loudly when their tongues touched. It didn’t matter that they were in a public park, and that anyone walking by could see them. All that mattered was Dorian. Touching him, kissing him, being close to him. 

Dorian returned his kisses just as fervently, his fingers tangled in John’s dark hair. He whispered something as his lips brushed against John’s jaw and down to his neck, before capturing his lips again hungrily. John was rock hard, arching his hips against Dorian, trying to get closer. Dorian’s hand reached down to unzip his pants, and at that moment, John’s cell phone buzzed. He tried to block it out, concentrating instead on the impending orgasm that was just out his reach, but the annoying sound continued, pulling him toward wakefulness. 

John woke up to the sound of his alarm clock buzzing, and a raging erection. He reached over and slammed his hand down on the clock radio, then rolled over onto his stomach with a groan, taking shallow breaths. There would be no “willing it away” this time.

He brought a hand up to his mouth to spit, and then, with his face buried in the pillow, John reached down and slipped his hand into his boxers, wrapping it around his dick. 

He captured the thick bead of precome on the tip and began to stroke, moaning at the sensation. He could still feel Dorian’s fingers on his face, on his lips, those blue eyes watching him. He gave himself up to the thoughts that he’d been pushing away for weeks, and when he thought about what it might feel like to have the man’s fingers wrapped around his cock, he came. Hard. 

“Fuck…” he panted into the damp pillow and closed his eyes. 

 

 

“Glad you made it out today man.” Bryan smiled as Dorian sat down across from him at the bar top. Both men were thirsty after a an afternoon of golf.

“Thanks for the invite.” Dorian said as the waitress sat water, a beer and a bloody mary on the table.

“Bloody Mary in the afternoon? That’s different.” Bryan commented. 

“That’s me,” Dorian shrugged. 

“Recovering from a trip to the bar yesterday perhaps?”

“Perhaps.” Dorian admitted, “And I still beat you today.”

“You’re just lucky.” Brian took a pull off of his beer and eyed the appetizer list on the table. Jalapeno Poppers sounded awesome, but Val hated it when he ate crap food at the club so…

“Hear you been hanging out with my brother in-law,” the blonde said conversationally.

Dorian glanced up, he gut clenching at the mention of John. He didn’t really want to discuss this with anyone, but the question on his mind came out before he could stop it.

“How is John?” he asked.

Brian shrugged noncommitaly. “I was gonna ask you that. Val was over there the other night about something.”

Dorian took a sip of his drink, wondering if the “other night” Bryan was referring to was before or after their lunch in the park.

“Is he OK?” the dark-skinned man asked, trying not to sound overly concerned.

“Who the hell know’s with that guy. When I first met Val, he was never around. Always busy, out with some hot girl, or traveling, on business or whatever. Really had it together. Now...this last year has been pretty hard on him.”

Dorian nodded. It was amazing and terrible how life could turn on a dime.

“He’s got this fucking annoying artist’s temperament you know? One minute life is beautiful and the next he’s face down in the gutter. Listens to that emo music.”

“Talk Talk isn’t Emo, Bryan, it’s New Wave.”

“Whatever.” Bryan waved his hand dismissively. “I can’t keep up.”

Dorian looked at the other man thoughtfully, and he wondered if perhaps his dismissive and sometimes harsh attitude toward John came from jealousy. Maybe Bryan felt like he had to compete with John for his wife’s attention.

“You should cut him a break man. Everybody handles stuff differently.”

“I know,” Bryan sighed, “It’s just...I don’t get it. So the chick cheated on him. It sucks but...what do you do? Cry in a corner for months? He needs to get laid. That’s the problem.”

Dorian choked on the drink he was finally starting to enjoy, but Bryan continued, seeming not to notice. 

“Seriously, I mean, he’s a hot guy...not that I’m into that obviously, but you know?”

“Yeah,” Dorian cleared his throat, his nose still burning from the vodka and dash of horseradish sauce that he’d inadvertently snorted. 

“Val’s tried setting him up, but she’s so sincere about it, worried about finding him a nice girl, or someone who has the same interests.” the man shook his head.

“I know she doesn’t want to hear this, but that’s not what he needs.

“Shared interests are pretty overrated.” Dorian agreed, his dry, sarcastic tone lost on his friend.

“He needs some really hot girl to just fuck his brains out, and he’ll forget all about that bitch. Am I right?”

“Absolutely, man.” 

Dorian watched as the other man nodded to himself, and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity of this conversation. For a moment he thought about telling Brian that he’d had some pretty explicit fantasies about his brother-in-law, not one of them involving a woman. He imagined Bryan falling out in a faint, or having an aneurysm right there. At that moment, a hopeful query pulled Dorian from his tortured thoughts.

“Do you know anybody? I think he likes girls with dark hair…”

Dorian stared at him blankly. “No...I um...no. Nobody comes to mind.”

“Ah well. Can’t say I didn’t try.”

The conversation then turned to work and Dorian tried to put John out of his mind. At best, thoughts of the dark-haired, green-eyed man were just pushed to the back, only surfacing occasionally for the next hour. 

As he left the club around five, Dorian glanced at his phone, hoping against hope that he might see a text from John, but of course, there was none. 

He’d thought more than once about calling, but what would he say? ‘Sorry I made you feel awkward as hell. I’m sure I can eventually stop thinking about your tongue. I really miss talking to you.” He’d jacked off to thoughts of John Kennex multiple times since the hot-dog incident. Enough that he’d never be able to look at the man again without getting hard.

With a sigh, Dorian told himself once more to just let it go. John Kennex wasn’t the only interesting, truly nice, hot guy in Chicago. He was just the only one that Dorian wanted. 

 

John was up early on Saturday, unable to sleep for thinking of what he was facing today. He still didn’t know what to say to Dorian, or how to say it, but he couldn’t stand the idea of the other man hurting because of how he’d acted. He tried to imagine what Dorian’s reaction would be when he explained how he was feeling. Would Dorian be shocked? Happy? He’d probably run screaming in the other direction. 

As he finished up an eight-mile run, Kennex was no closer to finding his words. He stood under the hot spray of the shower just trying to clear his mind and calm his nerves. This time tomorrow he told himself, it would be over, for better or for worse. With his luck, it would probably be the latter, but for once, John tried not to think about that. 

Dorian was full of nervous energy on his way to the last soccer game before the championship. He doubted that John would be there, but hope sprang eternal. If the green-eyed handsome man did show up today, Dorian had no idea what he’d say, but at least he’d get to see John. The other option was to talk to Val, and Dorian had decided he’d at least speak to her and make sure her brother was alright. He might even go crazy, and tell Val that he was falling for her brother. Probably not the smartest idea but then, Dorian Robinson wasn’t known for making the best decisions when his heart was involved. 

Val felt like she should have been surprised to see her brother’s car already in the parking lot at the soccer fields. It would be so like John these days to just avoid the horribly awkward situation that he’d created. Deep down though, she knew he would be there. From the beginning, Dorian seemed to bring out the best in her big brother. 

 

“Fancy meeting you here.” Val winked at John as she and Josh exited her Suburban. John gave his sister an almost shy smile.

“Hi Uncle John!” Josh gave his uncle an enthusiastic hug. “Are you gonna help coach today?”

“We’ll see buddy. We’ll see.” John grabbed the folding chairs out of the back of the truck and handed them to Val, then went back for the cooler. “Where’s Brian?”

“Working. Better for him to miss today then next weekend.” 

John nodded, and headed to the field where the kids would be playing today. He noticed right away that Dorian was already there, and felt his stomach drop. How had he convinced himself that he could do this?

“Go on.” Val nodded in Dorian’s direction. “Go talk to him.”

John took a deep breath and let it out. “This could go really wrong…” he whispered.

Val put an arm around her big brother, and glanced in the direction of the handsome coach who was unloading soccer balls and water bottles, and smiled. “Or...it could be the first day of the rest of your life.” 

“No pressure though, right?” John quipped, his voice not as steady as he would like.

“You got this Kennex.” Val gave him a squeeze and let go.

With another deep breath, John squared his shoulders and headed in Dorian’s direction.


	14. Chapter 14

“Need some help?” 

Dorian glanced up at the sound of a now familiar voice, to see John Kennex standing in front of him.

“John...hi.” Dorian stood up, his mouth gaping open, and wiped suddenly sweaty palms on his track pants.

“Hey.” John gave a small smile, and then glanced away for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts.

“I didn’t expect…” Dorian couldn’t believe that his voice sounded calm, considering how fast his heart was beating.

“Yeah, I was gonna text you but...” John shifted his weight nervously, and ran a hand through his hair. 

“No, I’m glad...glad you’re here.” Dorian smiled at him and John felt his chest loosen a little.

“So uh...do you need a line judge?”

“No…” Dorian couldn’t hide his smile at John’s surprised expression. “I could use another coach though. I heard you’re pretty good.”

John felt the blush creep up the back of his neck and didn’t even try to hide it. There was no way he could be smooth about this.

“Hi, Coach John! Are you gonna watch us today?” One of Josh’s friends bounded over to the two adults with a grin.

“He’s going to help us out today, Drew. One more game to go so let’s make sure everybody is paying attention.” Dorian patted the kid on the back while John stood by, not really sure what to do with himself. 

“Can you get the boys warmed up? I gotta talk to the ref for a minute.” 

John had been thinking about the “talk” he’d wanted to have with Dorian, Obviously it wasn’t going to happen in the company of several eight-year-olds, but at least they were in the same place, and Dorian was smiling.

“Huh?”

“Warm-up?” Dorian repeated encouragingly.

“Right...warm-up.”

John hollered for the rest of the boys to gather around, watching out of the corner of his eye as Dorian headed across the field to talk to the referee. Before he’d gotten too far though, the other man stopped and turned around. 

“John?”

His head turned quickly at the sound of his name, and John took several long strides to close the distance between himself and Dorian.

“You’re not...you’re not leaving right after the game are you?”

There was something in Dorian’s tone of voice. It was a cross between hopeful and anxious, and it made John’s stomach flip. 

“No.” he shook his head. “I was uh...I was hoping we could talk.”

“Ok. Good.” With a slight nod, Dorian turned again to find the referee.

“Good.” John repeated the word to himself quietly, and walked back to the group of kids who were waiting for him.

 

The game went well, and John for one was glad to have the familiar sport to focus on. Dorian relaxed as well, trying not to read too much into John’s appearance at the field today. He reminded himself that the fact that the man wanted to talk, didn’t automatically mean that the talk would go well. 

As he watched John encouraging the kids to do their best, and giving his nephew a high five after a good play, he knew his growing feelings for the man would make it difficult to be just his friend. Still, given how miserable he’d been over the last seventy-two hours, he’d rather have John Kennex in his life as a friend, than not at all.

With the game was winding down, John took a moment just to look at Dorian. He had always been a good athlete, and he was a fast runner for sure, but Dorian moved with an easy grace that hadn’t been learned, or perfected with practice. It just was. Like the blue of his eyes, and the the creamy cocoa color of his skin. 

When he first realized he was attracted to the man, he’d ignored it or pushed it away. Now he wondered how he had been able to do that so easily, as a tidal wave of feelings seemed to buffet his heart. He wanted to know Dorian. Not just as a friend or a lover, but for everything that he was. Admitting this to himself was frightening as hell, but it felt good to begin sorting out his feelings. Now, he just had to say all of this out loud to the one person that mattered. Dorian.

When the game ended in another victory, he walked toward the small crowd that had gathered as Dorian was going over details of the final game next weekend. 

“...so if you can all be there about twenty minutes early we can have a chance to make sure everybody has had a drink and a chance to warm up. We want our final game to be great, right? .”

Parents nodded in agreement, and the boys bounced up and down excitedly.

“One more game everybody. Think we can do it?”

“Yeah!” Came the resounding answer.

“Is coach John gonna help?” 

Dorian looked at the man standing nearby and smiled. “I hope so. We’ll have to ask him.”

Several pairs of eyes turned in John’s direction and he felt his face grow hot. “If you want me...I’ll be there.” 

After holding Dorian’s gaze for just a moment, John started toward the back of the field to pick up the orange cones on the sideline. Dorian looked after him, not hearing the excited chatter of the kids, as he realized that John wasn’t just talking about soccer.

“Good game, Coach.” 

John was holding on to a stack of small cones, and glanced up to see Dorian approaching. “Just helping out,” he shrugged. “You got a good team.”

Dorian shook his head with a smile. “Didn’t your mama ever teach you how to take a compliment, Kennex?” Before John had a chance to answer, the other man continued, in a softer tone. “You’re great with those boys, John.”

“Thanks.” John bit his lip nervously, and the pair stood silently for a couple of moments before John spoke up again.

“I was hoping we could …”

“John, I...”

“Uncle John?” Kennex watched as his nephew headed toward them, with a distressed look on his face. He loved the boy to distraction, but the kid’s timing was terrible.

“Hey Buddy. What’s up?”

Josh stopped in front of the two men and kicked the ground in frustration.

“Drew asked me to sleep over and mom says I can’t go!”

“Josh! Don’t bother Uncle John right now,” Val hurried over to corral her son.

“He’s not bothering me,” John told her. Dorian smiled down at the boy in an effort to make him feel better. 

“Nice game today, Josh,” he told him.

“Thanks.” The eight-year-old hung his head, mumbling his reply.

“I’m sorry, honey, but I’ve got to get over to Kathy’s to take care of the dogs. I can’t do that, then drive all the way to Drew’s house, and get back in time for my other appointment.”

“Can’t Dad check on the dogs?”

“He’s working today, so he can be at your game next weekend.”

“Can you take me to Drew’s, Uncle John?” A pair of big brown eyes gazed pleadingly at John Kennex.

“Uh...I wish I could, bud. I need to talk to coach Dorian for a little bit.”

“Please?” came the wheedling question as Josh grabbed onto to John’s hand.

“Joshua Edward…” The edge in Val’s voice silenced the child immediately.

“Drew lives in Northbrook, right?” Dorian interrupted. 

“Yeah…” Josh and John both gave Dorian a confused glance, wondering where his random question had come from

“I uh...don’t want to interfere, but I might have a solution.” Dorian smiled hopefully at mother and son.

“What’s that?” Val rubbed her forehead, willing to listen to any idea to lighten her load for the day.

“If your Uncle John doesn’t mind taking you to Drew’s house, he can stop by and see me afterward.”

“I don’t want to mess up your plans…”

“Pleeease Uncle John…”

John looked back and forth at the faces in front of him, the speech that he had prepared for Dorian now completely forgotten.

“Sure.” he finally said, feeling slightly confused by this turn of events. 

“Yay!” Josh jumped up and down excitedly, jerking his uncle’s arm in the process. 

“Are you sure?” Val pressed him. “I know you had...things...to do.” she glanced at Dorian and John gave her a hard look.

“No problem. Do you have stuff to take with you, Josh?”

“He has a change of clothes in the car…”

“Go get changed and I’ll catch up in a minute.”

“Thanks.” Val leaned over to give her brother’s arm a squeeze, and then ran to catch up with Josh, who was already racing back to the car.

John turned to Dorian and struggled to collect his thoughts as the shorter man held his gaze.

“So...it’s ok if I stop by later?”

“Do you want to?” Dorian asked, suddenly nervous himself.

“Yeah.” John answered quickly and then looked down at his feet. “I want to talk to you about the other day...I’m…”

“Me too. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Done what?” John glanced up to see a hint of a blush on Dorian’s cheeks.

“I shouldn’t have touched…” Dorian cleared his throat and started again. “I forget about personal space sometimes. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”  
The uncertainty in his eyes made John catch his breath, and Kennex seized the moment before he could change his mind.

“I liked it when you...touched me." John watched for Dorian's reaction as blood pounded in his ears. "I liked it."

Dorian stared at John, and felt his mouth go dry, as he replayed the words in his mind. A long moment stretched out between them. 

“I like being close...to you.”

“John…” Dorian’s tone was barely above a whisper, and his right hand clenched into a fist to keep from violating the man’s “personal space” a second time.

John stepped back, as if he was fighting the same urge. “I gotta go. I’ll see you...maybe in an hour?”

Dorian nodded, not trusting his voice, and watched as the taller man walked away.

 

John stopped when he got back to his car and leaned against it, taking a breath. He’d said the words out loud. Dorian didn’t freak out, and he still wanted to talk, so he counted that as a win.

“I’m so sorry…” Val appeared interrupting his thoughts.

“Where’s Josh?”

“I left him at the truck, I wanted to talk to you first. I didn’t mean…”

“It’s ok, Val. Not like we could have had a long conversation right here anyway.”

“So you haven’t…”

“I just want to get going, OK?”

“Ok.” Val gave him another apologetic look. “I’m…”

“Please shut up. I feel like I’m gonna puke and I still have to get Josh to that kid’s house in one piece.”

“First date jitters?” Val reached over to pat her brother on the back. John shot daggers and she smiled brightly at him.

 

“Hey, thanks to my kid you got an invite to his house. Think of the possibilities…”

“I hate you right now.” John grumbled, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach.

“Just breathe Kennex. You were a stud back in the day, remember? You know I was only popular ‘cause I had a hot older brother.”

That got a smile out of him, just as Val knew it would.

“Ready to go, Uncle John?” The two adults turned around to see a happy eight-year-old grinning at them. John gave a rueful laugh.

“Ready as I’ll ever be kid.”

 

Behind the wheel of his car, John relaxed a little bit. He focused on the feel of the car underneath him and the familiar motion of shifting gears. Josh talked happily about soccer for a few minutes and then played with his iPad and listened to the radio while John’s mind wandered.

He could do this. At the very least, he could start the conversation. It was just five words: ‘I have feelings for you.’ He could even whittle it down to: ‘I like you.’ Three words,which he’d pretty much already said. Hopefully, Dorian would take over from there. 

Of course, Dorian could respond with ‘I like you too, just not in that way.’ John absently wondered if men gave other men the ‘It’s not you it’s me’ speech. Feeling a pit in his stomach at the thought, he pushed it away and remembered the look in Dorian’s eyes just before they’d parted ways. He held that image in his mind as he gave his nephew a hug good-bye and headed in the direction of Dorian’s condo. As he got closer to his destination, it dawned on John that he was still wearing an old, sweaty t-shirt and basketball shorts. He imagined Dorian, who barely ever had a hair out of place anyway, showered and looking...sexy. He decided it was a good thing that he was wearing loose fitting shorts as he did u-turn in a cul-de-sac, and headed home to clean up.

Dorian walked back in from the balcony for the third time, taking a deep breath and glancing at his watch. Surely if John had changed his mind he would have at least texted. Just then, his phone beeped and Dorian’s heart lept to his throat. Letting out a breath, the dark-skinned man closed his eyes, and then walked slowly to the kitchen counter to retrieve his phone.

-hey decided to grab a shower. Be there soon.  
Dorian blinked at the words on the screen, and reread the text twice more as he felt himself get a little weak-kneed. 

-OK. I’ll be here.

 

John parked and got out, taking the stairs to Dorian’s condo two at a time. Once he got to the door he stopped and rubbed his hands nervously up and down the denim of his jeans. After another moment, he raised his hand and knocked on the door. 

 

Dorian jumped in surprise at hearing the knock, and hurried to his front door. Whatever happened, he hoped to at least keep John’s friendship, but now, seeing the tall man greet him with a nervous smile, he wanted so much more.

“Hi...sorry I’m a little late.” 

Kennex stood in the doorway, wearing jeans and a mint green button-down shirt. Dorian smiled at him for a moment then motioned him to come in. He closed the door and turned to see John walking toward the windows, his hands shoved in his pockets.

“Can I get you something to drink? A beer?”

“Uh...sure.” John watched as Dorian moved to the kitchen, and was thankful that he’d gone home to change. The other man looked calm cool and collected, as always. John wondered what it would be like to get him aroused. To see him needy. The thought brought a flush to his cheeks, and he started a little when Dorian approached.

“You OK?”

“Yeah.” John took the cold bottle out of Dorian’s hand, and listened as Dorian started talking.

“I was afraid maybe I’d really screwed up the other day. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just…”

“You didn’t upset me. I told you how it...how it made me feel.”

The look in John’s eyes chased away the well-prepared speech Dorian had been rehearsing, leaving him to flounder a bit. The air between them seemed heavy somehow, and Dorian found himself taking a step back, to collect his thoughts.

“I just want to be sure that things are ok between us. I mean, I like spending time with you, and I don’t want to ruin...I mean…”

John set the beer down on the counter and took a step closer, suddenly needing to close the distance between himself and the other man.

“You didn’t.” John assured him. “I was stupid to run away like that. I should have told you before.”

Dorian couldn’t look away from those dark green eyes. They were so intense...practically smouldering. He was helpless to do anything but lose himself in them.

“Tell me what John?” He asked the question in a low, breathless tone, and John watched as a pink tongue peeked out to lick full lips.

Suddenly, the urge he’d been fighting since he walked through the door became too strong, and John pulled the smaller man against him. Before Dorian could even let out a breath in surprise, John’s lips were pressed against his, kissing him. 

John’s hands moved over his back as Dorian tensed, then relaxed, finally gathering the soft fabric of John’s shirt in his fists. His lips parted, and John’s tongue took advantage of his need for oxygen. He cupped Dorian’s face in his hands, deepening the kiss, just as he’d imagined doing so often in the last few days.

Dorian’s lips were soft, and warm, and John shivered as their tongues touched. When Dorian started kissing him back, his arms winding around the taller man’s neck, it was John’s turn to whimper with need. He backed the other man against the wall, his hands at Dorian’s waist.

Dorian was in a haze. He’d thought about this very thing many times, especially over the last few days, but he never pictured John as the initiator. Now, as the bigger man’s tongue explored his mouth, pressing against him, Dorian struggled between lust and reason. John just happened to be an amazing kisser, so lust was winning the battle. Finally, he pulled away slightly, and tried to catch his breath.

“John…” The other man’s lips found his again, silencing him for a few more moments, until Dorian pushed gently against a broad chest. “John, we need to…”

Kennex blinked at him, as if he’d just realized what he’d been doing. “S...Sorry...sorry...I didn’t…” He backed away staggering a bit, as he tried to form a coherent thought. Dorian took hold of his arm to keep him close.

“We need to talk John.” Dorian held his gaze, and John licked his lips, still tasting Dorian’s kiss. His lips felt bruised and his cock throbbed. Talking was really the last thing he wanted to do.

“Ok...let’s talk.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian finally get to their talk...and a few other things too.

With a small nod, Dorian led the taller man over to the couch, grabbing his beer along the way. Once they were seated, John surprised Dorian again, by speaking first.

“I’m really s…” He was silenced by a finger to his lips.

“Stop apologizing.” Dorian whispered, leaning a little closer to him. “I kissed you back, remember?”

Dorian smiled and John stared at him, then watched as the fingers that had touched his lips moved to reach for his hand. “Maybe I should do it again if you’ve already forgotten.” 

Leaning even closer, Dorian brushed his lips against John’s in the softest breath of a kiss. When he started to pull away, John reached up and cupped the back of his neck, and parted his lips when Dorian’s tongue sought entry. In no time, what was soft and tender became hungry and heated, until Dorian finally put a bit of distance between himself and the other man.

“Wow…” Dorian let out a rueful laugh. “I wasn’t expecting this. I was kind of hoping for it though.” he added the last bit when he saw the worried look in John’s eyes.

“Yeah?” John asked, reaching for the bottle of beer on the table so he’d have something to hold. Dorian nodded and John looked away. He felt like a kid in junior high with his first crush. “I wasn’t expecting it either. I mean I...wanted to...just didn’t think I would yet.”

“Why did you?” Dorian suddenly asked, watching John closely.

“What?” 

“Why today? I mean, we haven’t talked...last time I saw you...you looked scared to death.”

John opened his mouth to speak, then stopped, obviously thinking about the words he was going to use.

“It uh...it happened today because I didn’t want to wait anymore.” John stared at the beer bottle, his eyes unseeing as he continued. “That day in the park...I knew what I wanted. I just…” he stopped when he felt Dorian’s hand on his knee, felt the warmth of his touch seep through the material that covered his skin. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve...felt like this about anybody.” When he finally looked up at Dorian, his eyes were a dark green. Dorian noticed tiny flecks of gold as well, that were as unexpected as John’s kiss. “And just so we can get it out of the way, just so you know...I’ve never felt like this about another man.” 

“So you’ve never even kissed…” Dorian began.

“No.” John dropped his gaze, and pulled away from Dorian’s touch. He wrapped both arms around himself as he watched Dorian’s hand slip off of his knee and onto the couch cushion. If the other man was going to give him the brush off, now was the perfect time.

Dorian sat in silence, processing what he’d just heard. He couldn’t say that he was completely surprised that John had never even so much as kissed another man, but hearing him say it, Dorian was a little overwhelmed with the gravity of what had just happened. He’d thought so often about what it might be like to have this conversation, and yet he still wasn’t prepared for how he was feeling right now.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said softly. He moved to sit closer to John, but the other man almost flinched, his eyes clouding over with some unnamed emotion.

“It’s ok. If you don’t...I mean you don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know…” John moved to get up and Dorian grabbed his arm.

“John, wait a minute.” Dorian stood up too, and blocked the other man’s way when he tried to move past him. “I don’t know what to say because...you could have anybody...anybody at all and you…”

Kennex shook his head, “I’m not confused Dorian, if that’s what you’re thinking. I mean I’ve never...I’ve never thought about being with a man, until now but…” Dorian reached for his hand and John felt a thrill as their fingers intertwined. “It’s you I want. Just you.”

John swallowed, feeling his face heat with with nervousness and his stomach churn with anxiety as he waited for Dorian to speak. Everything was out in the open now, but rather than feel better, John felt a wave of almost crushing doubt. What had he been thinking? He was forty-two, obviously not good at relationships, and had discovered within the last six weeks that he was bisexual. He was, to use a favorite expression of his sister’s, a hot mess. Certainly not somebody that Dorian would want to be with. As he stood in the deafening quiet, he wanted nothing more than to fall through the floor and disappear. 

“John,” Dorian held on tightly to his hand even as the other man tried pull away. “If you knew more about me, you might...you might change your mind about what you wanted.” The dark-skinned man took a deep breath and ran his free hand over his face. 

“What do you mean?” John asked, his brows knitting in confusion.

“My last relationship was...it wasn’t good. At all.” 

“You can talk to me about it...if you want to. You know more about my last relationship than my sister, so…” Dorian laughed quietly and John smiled, relaxing just a bit. “You deserve to be happy. That’s what you told me, right? You just have to find the right person.”

Dorian looked at the big, handsome man in front of him and felt his eyes burn with tears. He wanted nothing more than to throw himself into John’s arms and kiss him until neither of them could remember their own names, but life just wasn’t that simple. When John saw the look in the other man’s eyes, he felt a moment of panic.

“Don’t...don’t get upset. I just...I’m sorry...I’ve been thinking about this, about you and…” Dorian silenced him with a kiss, his long fingers caressing the side of John’s face. 

“I want you too.” he whispered, his blue eyes shining with the unshed tears. “I want you so much.” 

“Really?” John thought to himself that probably wasn’t the question to ask in this situation. It didn’t sound very confident or romantic, but he didn’t care. He was going to hold on to any bit of hope that Dorian felt same way he did in this moment.

“Mmm-hmm.” Dorian kissed him again softly, and when John felt the other man’s damp eyelashes against his cheek, he wrapped his arms around Dorian, holding him close. 

Dorian let out a shaky breath, and buried his face in John’s neck, breathing in his scent. Being in John’s arms was amazing. He felt warm, and safe, and very turned on. It was an unbeatable combination.

“I thought I’d probably lost you...I mean…” John stopped, realizing how that phrase sounded, as though he and Dorian were already a couple. He was going to correct himself when Dorian chuckled, his warm breath tickling John’s skin.

“I knew I’d lost you,” Dorian whispered, wrapping his arms more tightly around the taller man’s waist. “When I saw you at the game today I couldn’t believe it.”

“I couldn’t stay away. I had to at least talk to you. Which is kind of weird for me...the whole talking thing.” He pulled away slightly to look into the beautiful blue eyes that had been a part of his dreams over the last few weeks. 

“Guess I just bring it out in you, huh?” Dorian straightened John’s shirt collar and rested his hands on John’s shoulders.

“You bring out a lot of things in me.” John continued as Dorian sat back down on the couch. 

“Apparently I do.” Dorian joked with a wink, smiling as John’s cheeks flushed immediately with embarrassment.

“Sorry,” Dorian told him, putting a hand back on his knee as he sat down. “I couldn’t resist that one.”

“I know we have a lot to talk about…”

“It all works the same John...mostly anyway.”

“What works the same?”

“Dating a man. Except the bonus is, I won’t complain when you want to watch the game, or work on your car.”

John laughed out loud. The weight that he’d been carrying lately was suddenly gone, and he felt light-headed. 

“You’d help me work on my car?” he asked, smiling the man and feeling a warmth bloom in his chest.

“You remember the second time we met? At your sister’s house?”

“Yeah.” John smiled, thinking back to the way his stomach had flipped when he saw Dorian standing in his sister’s kitchen. Even then, there was something about the man that he couldn’t put out of his mind. 

“I remember you had on that blue shirt. I felt like a bum standing next to you.”

“Really?” Dorian’s eyes went wide with surprise as he sat up a bit. “I thought you were hot.”

John was taking a pull from his bear, and he nearly choked hearing Dorian’s admission. 

“Seriously? I was a greasy mess.”

Dorian’s surveyed John with a mixture of desire and mischief. “I know….hot. I loved your old t-shirt.” Dorian leaned forward for another kiss, and John blinked, trying to process what Dorian had just said. He thought sloppy was hot?

“I just remember you had on those perfect khaki pants.” he said, as Dorian reached up to run his fingers through John’s messy hair. It was soft, despite the man’s overuse of hair products. “I didn’t want to get you dirty.”

“Well,” Dorian leaned closer to him, and John pulled the man back into an embrace. “You don’t have to worry about that Mr. Kennex. You can get me dirty anytime.” 

Dorian smiled against John’s mouth, and then ran his tongue over the other man’s lips. John moaned and responded immediately, pulling the smaller man onto his lap. Dorian straddled him, once again running fingers through John’s hair. John kissed him greedily, biting at Dorian’s bottom lip. 

The dark-skinned man gasped, and rolled his hips against John. John reacted to the contact with a groan, sucking eagerly on Dorian’s tongue. His hands moved down Dorian’s back, and gripped his ass, squeezing. Dorian broke their kiss, and tried to catch his breath. “You’re amazing…” he whispered. 

John captured his lips again, and somehow managed to flip their positions, pulling Dorian’s body underneath his own. Dorian stared at him, shocked and aroused by the abrupt change in position. 

“You like that?” John asked, his voice hoarse with desire. He let Dorian feel his body weight, and the other man whimpered. “Yes…don’t stop...kiss me…” John obliged his request, nibbling at the other man’s mouth until he finally settled in for a long kiss. His cock throbbed, and his lips were swollen. He’d never felt more alive. 

“Dorian…” his nuzzled the other man’s neck, as Dorian arched toward him, all thoughts of taking this slow long gone. He pulled at the polo shirt that was tucked into Dorian’s jeans, and Dorian moaned as he felt John’s fingertips caress the bare skin of his stomach. 

“I want...want…” John stuttered as Dorian’s hands followed suit and moved underneath John’s shirt.

“John... feels so good…” Dorian tried in vain to catch his breath, as he continued to cradle John between his legs, his own cock achingly hard. John ground against the other man, panting into his neck. Both hands were still under Dorian’s shirt caressing bare skin and making the man beneath him shiver. John’s fingers moved lower to touch Dorian’s belt, hovering there.

“I want to touch…” John groaned as Dorian’s hands reached to cup his ass, and the man’s full lips made their way down the column of John’s neck.

“Touch me John…” he whispered arching toward the hand that now rested on his waist. “Please…”

Fumbling with Dorian’s belt, John growled in frustration, and Dorian pushed his hands out of the way, taking care of the job himself. His eyes never left John’s face, and when Kennex heard the sound of the zipper being pulled down, he had to bite back a groan. His hand moved over Dorian’s cotton underwear, and brushed against the tip of his erection. Finally, he pulled back the briefs and watched Dorian arch with pleasure as he wrapped his fingers around a thick, weeping cock. 

Going on instinct, he used a firm, steady stroke, circling the tip with his thumb. This elicited a long, low moan from the dark skinned man, and John was so turned on he could hardly stand it. After another moment, he moved to unzip his own jeans, and when Dorian protested the absence of his touch, John made up for it with a kiss, swirling his tongue inside the other man’s mouth. Dorian reached for him blindly, pushing John’s jeans and briefs down over his hips. He broke their kiss to look at John, who practically tore off his shirt. Dorian’s blue eyes lingered on the man’s bare chest and flat stomach, his eyes widening a bit when he took in John’s impressive cock. 

The dark-haired man watched Dorian bite his gorgeous lips, and knew he wouldn’t last long. “Fuck Dorian…” John’s breath hitched as the other man once again held his gaze, and reached out to touch him, stroking slow and sure. “Fuck…” He panted as Dorian pulled him closer and their cocks brushed against each other. 

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long…” Dorian whispered. “I knew you’d be big…”

John made a strangled, desperate noise and reached down to grip the base of his organ, to keep from coming right then. With his forehead resting against Dorian’s shoulder, he struggled to hold on to the last bit of his control. Dorian arched against him, and John took them both in one hand.

“I want…” he said the phrase again, as Dorian sucked on the sensitive spot between his neck and shoulder. 

“Say it John...please…”

“Want to make you come…” He began to stroke, catching a warm bead of precome on his fingertip and spreading it over both of their organs.

Dorian moaned loudly, the fingers of one hand almost bruising against John’s hip, and the other braced against the back of the couch. 

“Yes...faster John…” Dorian urged him on as John picked up the pace, and Kennex felt like he’d forgotten how to breathe. He’d forgotten everything, except this feeling. Except Dorian.

“I’m...I’m gonna come…” John let go as Dorian thrust into his hand one final time, and then both of them were lost in a haze of heat and release.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been a long time coming. Hope I did it justice after the never-ending slow burn and that everyone enjoyed. Thanks for reading, and more to come soon!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian enjoy the afterglow, and make some plans...

John lay still for a few moments, coming back to himself. He knew that his weight must be heavy on Dorian, but he just didn’t have the strength to move. As if reading his mind, the other man spoke, breaking the silence. 

“Don’t move yet.” Dorian whispered, holding John just a fraction tighter.

“Am I too heavy?” John asked .

Dorian shook his head, still not letting go, and John let out a sigh, brushing his lips against Dorian’s jaw. After another moment though, he shifted.

“I’ll be right back,” he promised, when Dorian opened his eyes. “Where’s your bathroom?”

“Down the hall on the left.” Dorian answered. He stretched and closed his eyes again, desperate to hold on to the feeling of this moment. When he suddenly felt something wet on his torso, his body jerked and he tried to back away.

“Easy”, John smiled. putting a hand on his shoulder as he wiped the warm washcloth over Dorian’s stomach, cleaning him gently.

“Sorry,” Dorian said, “must have drifted off.” He watched as John fussed over him, not sure how to handle the other man’s tenderness. “You don’t have to do that.” he insisted, putting a hand over John’s to stop him. 

“I know” John held his gaze for a moment and then put the damp cloth aside, next drying his skin with a hand towel. Finally, he reached to rebutton Dorian’s shirt. “I wanted to.” 

John was bare-chested, and Dorian enjoyed the view for a moment longer before batting the other man’s hands away. He sat up, and retrieved John’s shirt from the edge of the coffee table where it had landed. As if on queue, John held his arms out and let Dorian put the shirt back on him and button it up. He couldn’t help the smile that kept finding it’s way to his lips, or the shiver that he felt each time the other man’s fingers brushed against his skin.

“There,” Dorian proclaimed when the last button was done up. “Now you’re put back together.”

John watched as Dorian went to work on his own clothing letting his eyes fall on the long scar that was visible just below the man’s rib cage. He’d felt the raised, scarred skin when he’d reached beneath Dorian’s shirt to touch him, and wondered now if he could, or should, ask about it.

Dorian glanced up with wide blue eyes, and once again, seemed to read John’s mind.

“That happened awhile ago.” he explained, glancing down at the scar as it disappeared behind the cover of his clothing.

 

John’s looked down immediately, embarrassed at being caught staring. “Sorry...I didn’t mean…”

“It’s ok.” Dorian smiled. “Not like I can hide it. At least, not from you.”

John flushed at the intimacy this implied, and he very much liked the idea of there being no secrets between him and Dorian. He wanted that.

“How…”

“It...it was a motorcycle accident. Back in Seattle. I uh...I don’t ride a bike any more.” Dorian winked and John let his hand move to rest on the other man’s knee. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself now that everything seemed to be out in the open.

“So…uh”, John gave a shy smile and cleared his throat. “Will you go to dinner with me sometime...tonight?”

“Are you asking me out on a date Mr. Kennex?” 

“Yes…or...is that OK?” John wondered if he wasn’t supposed to do that right after being so intimate. 

Dorian gave him a radiant smile and John felt his heart flutter. It wasn’t fair that someone could do that much to you with just a look.

“It’s more than Ok.” Dorian leaned forward and kissed John softly, his hand moving to cover John’s where it rested on his knee. “I told you, it all works the same.”

“So does that mean you want to go? To dinner?” John couldn’t help feeling like he needed to have all this spelled out.

“I would love to go to dinner with you. There’s a new sushi bar that just opened up right around the corner. I heard it’s great.” 

John tried unsuccessfully to mask the look of horror that passed over his face. Just the thought of eating sushi made him want to puke, but if that’s what Dorian wanted, they’d eat sushi. He remembered telling Dorian he seemed like a “sushi person”, so he shouldn’t have been too surprised.

“Sure...sounds great.” John forced a sincere smile, and when Dorian started laughing, his brows knitted in confusion. “What’s funny?” 

“I’m messing with you John.”

“What?” John felt like he was missing the joke, and apparently he was.

“I’m kidding. I hate sushi.” The man made a face and John let out a relieved laugh. “Thank God.”

“I was thinking about a rematch at darts though…”

“Really?” John felt a tingle of awareness as Dorian’s fingers threaded with his. “We could go back to that same bar if you want.”

“You sure?” Dorian didn’t want the way that their first time there had ended to color this first real date with John.

“Absolutely.” John smiled. “I’m gonna kick your ass this time though.”

Dorian shook his head and smiled. “You’re drop dead gorgeous Kennex, but you suck at darts.”

 

A few minutes, and several kisses later, John was getting ready to leave Dorian’s condo.

“So seven o’clock?” he asked, almost nervously, as Dorian stepped even closer, invading his personal space.

“I’ll be ready and waiting.” he stood just a bit taller, and just a bit closer, until his lips were almost touching John’s.

“Great.” Kennex breathed the word, and leaned in to kiss the man in front of him once more. As Dorian sighed with contentment, John deepened the kiss, wrapping both arms more tightly around the other man’s waist. He’d forgotten just how much he enjoyed kissing. If Dorian’s reaction was any indication though, he hadn’t forgotten how it was done. 

After several seconds they finally broke apart. “If you don’t leave now,” Dorian warned, “I’ll keep you here for the rest of the weekend.”

“Sounds awful.” John teased. 

“I don’t like sushi, but I do like salad. Lettuce is pretty much all I have in my refrigerator, so…”

John wrinkled his nose. “Leaving now.” 

He backed away, and Dorian reached out to pull him close for one more kiss. “See you at seven.”  
John hurried down the stairs, turning around once he was in the parking lot to wave good-bye. Dorian returned the gesture, smiling dreamily as the dark-haired man got into his car and drove away. 

Once he was back inside, Dorian grabbed his cell phone and stuffed into his jeans pocket, glancing at his couch as he walked toward the bedroom. If anyone had told him when he got up today that he’d spend part of the afternoon making out with John on that couch, he would have said they were certifiable.

In his bedroom, he threw himself down on the bed and practically screamed into his pillow. Twice. Once he’d managed to calm down a bit, he fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed a familiar number.

“Hello?” Nyota sounded haried and distracted.

“Whatever you’re doing, stop. We have to talk.”

“Dorian? What...Michael I said put that down, we’re not buying it.”

Dorian heard a rustling sound as his sister juggled whatever she was holding and then put the phone back up to her ear. “Ny?”

“Sorry, we’re in the middle of Costco. What’s going on?” she asked, a little more clearly this time.

“I talked to him today.” Dorian’s smile was so wide that his face almost hurt.

“Who?” Nyota asked, fishing for her wallet so she could find her membership card.

“John.” Dorian’s tone was somewhere between dreamy, and annoyed that his sister would even think he meant anyone else.

“Really?”

“Uh-huh.” Dorian laid back on his bed, still smiling up at ceiling.

“How’d it go?” 

“Think of the best possible outcome.” Dorian told her. Silence on the other end of the line told Dorian that his sister was indeed thinking. He waited a few moments, but then couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Well?”

“I’m getting ready to drop Michael off at his dad’s. I’ll call you back in thirty minutes.”

Dorian waited as patiently as he could, his mind reliving John’s sighs and kisses, and alternately feeling excited and nervous about his pending date night. When his cell phone rang, he answered it immediately.

“Hey.” he answered with a smile.

“Ok,” Nyota began without preamble. “Best possible outcome?”

“We’re going out to dinner...tonight.”

“As friends, or…”

“Or.” Dorian answered with a smirk.

Nyota smiled, hearing the excitement in her brother’s voice. God knows the boy deserved a little happiness, but Nyota’s sisterly instincts kicked in, and she couldn’t help being concerned that this was too much too soon.

“What happened? Did he suddenly realize he didn’t know he was in the closet?”

Dorian let out an exasperated sigh. “I called you because I wanted you to be happy for me. If you’re just going to be sarcastic…”

“I’m sorry Dee. It’s just...isn’t this a little fast?”

“Fast? I’ve been thinking about this since the second time we met. Apparently he has too.”

“He has huh?”

“He came to the soccer game today and then came over so we could talk…”

“Obviously you had a good talk.” Nyota smiled, imaging her brother lounging on his bed with a goofy grin on his face.

“It was...I can’t even tell you Nyota. He’s so amazing…”

“Good kisser?”

“Incredible. That’s all I’m gonna say.”

“You don’t have to say anything Dee. I can hear it in your voice.” 

“It doesn’t seem real yet.” Dorian said softly.

“So...have you had a chance to...talk about anything?” Once the words were out, Nyota waited for her brother to react, but she was greeted with silence.

“Dorian?”

“A little.” he answered. “We talked about how we were feeling”

“You need to tell him...”

“I will Nyota.” 

“I know you don’t like to ta…”

“I said I willl. Can I at least enjoy this before…” Dorian shook his head with a long sigh. “I’d better let you go. I’ve got some things to do before tonight.”

“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to ruin it, but if you want to really start fresh, you need to talk about it.” 

“I know.” Dorian sighed. Hiis gut twisted as he thought about the fact that he’d lied to John about his scar. It was the same story that he’d told anyone else who had seen that mark on his body. He’d told it enough times now, that he almost believed the words himself as they tumbled out of his mouth. 

“Have fun tonight Dee. You deserve it.”

“Thanks.” came the quiet reply before he ended the call.

 

John drove down the road with the windows down and the radio blaring. He was going on a date tonight. With Dorian. It still seemed almost unbelievable, but the memory of the kisses they’d shared was very real. When he was walking into the kitchen from his garage, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Glancing at his phone, he saw a text from Val and smiled

Val: did you guys get to talk?

John: yes 

John laughed with an almost evil glee at his one word reply, knowing it would drive his sister over the edge.

Val: are you really going to make me ask this??? How did it go?

John: good

Val: you suck

John smiled at his phone as he typed out his reply.

John: going out to dinner tonight. 

Val: with Dorian?

John: yep.

As soon as he’d sent the last text, John began a silent countdown in his head. Just before he reached one, his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Are you serious? You’re going on a DATE?” 

“I am.” John couldn’t help the smile in his voice. He laughed as his sister practically squealed into the phone. After fielding a few rapid-fire questions demanding details, John spoke up.

“I don’t kiss and tell Val. I’ll call you tomorrow sometime.”

“You kissed? Oh my god!” After another moment of excitement, Val collected herself. “I should let you go so you have time to get ready.”

“Yeah, I only have like five hours so…” He knew his sarcasm would be lost on Val, who made him promise to call her tomorrow. John ended the call and took a deep, steadying breath. It was going to be a good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note to say thank you so much to everyone for reading, and for all of your kind comments! They make my day!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels like the afternoon has lasted for weeks, but it's FINALLLY time for John and Dorian's date...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many many apologies for taking so long to post a new chapter on this one. Between the holidays, a job change and caring for older parents, the boys took a back burner for a bit. Really striving to get on a more regular schedule with updates.
> 
> I'm hoping there are still a few of you out their reading. :) I struggled with this one, but with the help of WeWillSpockYou, John and Dorian are finally ready for their date night!
> 
> ***Lastly, I have been wanting to mention this but keep leaving it out. The 'theme song' for this fic is "Am I Wrong" by Nico and Vinz. The first time I heard those awesome lyrics, way back at chapter 1, it became John and Dorian's song.

At 5:45pm, John stood in his bedroom, trying to decide what to wear. Since they were going to play darts, he wasn’t going to dress up, but a t-shirt just seemed sloppy. He wanted to look nice...or rather, he wanted Dorian to think he looked nice.

After staring at his closet for a good five minutes, Kennex sat on his bed and chuckled. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this nervous about going to grab a beer. Of course, this wasn’t just grabbing a beer. This was a date. A first date, which was something he hadn’t been on in years. He hated dating. It was too much work. Figuring the person out, being on your best behavior, wondering what they were really thinking as they sat with you and made small talk. When he’d met Kate, they’d hit it off pretty much right away. He’d known by the fourth date that he was going to propose. It had taken him six months to get there of course, and everything had been great...until it had all fallen apart. 

With a sigh, John wondered for a moment if he was doing the right thing with Dorian. He’d only just realized that he was bisexual, and he didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Nevermind the fact that he’d spent most of his time since their first meeting, avoiding and dancing around his feelings for the other man. After finally giving in to those feelings earlier today however, he realized that the old saying is true - Once you cross the line, you can’t go back. Truth be told, he didn’t want to.  
John had grown used to his own company over the last few months, and to be honest, he pretty much preferred solitude over the rest of humanity, with a few notable exceptions. He smiled as he admitted to himself that he actually missed Dorian. He’d seen him only four hours ago, and he couldn’t wait to see him again. The thought of the other man’s blue eyes, and his easy laugh turned John inside out. He was in so much trouble.

With another grin, John remembered Dorian saying that he looked hot that day at Val’s, after he’d been working on the lawn mower. Pushing himself up off the bed, he moved to rummage through a dresser drawer, and pulled out a concert T-shirt that was clean and not too faded. Walking into the bathroom, he ran a comb through his hair and found his long-neglected bottle of cologne. Making his way out the door, he hoped Dorian would approve. He also hoped that showing up almost thirty minutes early for your first date didn’t seem too desperate.

 

Dorian had just finished brushing his teeth when his doorbell rang. He glanced at his watch, which showed the time as 6:35. He wasn’t expecting anybody else, and hoped whoever this was, would take a hint and leave before John arrived. 

When he got to the door, he opened it without checking the peep hole, and then caught his breath in happy surprise. 

“Hi.” he smiled broadly, feeling butterflies in his stomach at the sight of John Kennex in his doorway. He took in the tight fitting black t-shirt and Levi’s that John was wearing and cleared his throat. Looking that good should be illegal, he thought.

“Hi.” John’s smile was shy and a little unsure. “I know it’s early…”

“Come in,” Dorian reached for his hand and John let himself be pulled inside. The pair stood awkwardly, smiling at each other for a few beats before John leaned forward to brush his lips against Dorian’s. 

“You smell great.” Dorian breathed him in, and kissed him back. When they parted, John ran a hand over the back of his neck, thinking maybe the t-shirt was a bad idea. Dorian wore a blue and white striped Brooks Brothers shirt, untucked, over a white undershirt, and jeans. He looked like a model for Christ’s sake.

“I’m underdressed, huh?”

Dorian stared at him, still lost in the haze left over from John’s kiss.

“What?”

John made a motion in Dorian’s general direction and his previous statement finally registered for the shorter man. “No,” he smiled. “We’re going to play darts and eat hot wings John.” He let his gaze travel over the other man appreciatively. “They won’t be as hot as you though.”

He winked, and John’s face turned pink. It had been a long time since anyone had complimented him like that. 

“Do you want me to change?” Dorian offered. John shook his head immediately. 

“No. I like...” John blushed again and Dorian grinned encouragingly. “You look great. You always look great.”

“You’re good for my ego, Mr. Kennex.” Dorian lips hovered less than an inch from John’s.

“You’re good for me.” John licked his lips and Dorian groaned, leaning forward for another kiss. John shifted their positions so that Dorian was backed up against the door, as their tongues battled for dominance. John won, and Dorian melted against him.

“How do you do that?” John panted when they finally came up for air.

“Do what?” Dorian asked, his half-lidded eyes looking at John’s kiss-swollen lips.

“You make me forget everything...everything but this.” John kissed him hard, and Dorian moaned again when he felt John’s erection against his upper thigh. At this rate, they’d never make it to dinner.

After another round of desperate kisses, and Dorian’s hands kneading his ass, John pulled away. “I...I gotta...I need a minute…” He moved to lean a hand against the wall next to Dorian’s head and tried to take a deep breath. For his part, Dee rubbed a hand over his face, and attempted to think of something other than his dick. He felt like he could cut diamonds at the moment.

“Sorry,” John breathed. “I got a little carried away I guess.”

“Don’t apologize on my account,” The dark-skinned man smiled. “We could order in if you want, although…”

“What?” John straightened up and looked at him, and Dorian noticed his normally green eyes were almost black. That did nothing to dampen Dorian’s desire. 

“If we order in I don’t think we’ll be too focused on the food, and I’m starving.”

“Me too,” John admitted. 

“Besides,” Dorian continued, “I’m dying to take you out and show you off.” When John blushed at the compliment Dorian looked at him seriously. “Do you have any idea how sexy you are?”

“Stop it Dee.” John turned away with embarrassment.

“She really did a number on you, didn’t she?” 

John just stared down at his feet uncomfortably as Dorian took hold of his hand, twining their fingers together. 

“I’m ready to leave all of that behind.” John admitted quietly. “I don’t mean to…”

“Stop apologizing. You’re amazing, and that’s all I’m going to say for now.”

John turned to look at this handsome man, who had maybe the sweetest smile he’d ever seen. How had he gotten so lucky? He moved to kiss the other man again, and Dorian returned the favor. After a moment he broke the kiss, gazing at John with those blue eyes.

“Ready to lose at multiple rounds of darts?” he whispered.

“Getting a little cocky aren’t you?”

“Oh I’ve been cocky ever since this afternoon Johnny.”

“Got a sense of humor too. Just wait…” Kennex waited by the door as Dorian grabbed his wallet and the pair walked downstairs to John’s Mustang.

 

On the way to the bar, the two men talked about what was coming up for each of them over the next work week, and when John told Dorian that Val had tapped him to babysit next Friday night, Dorian suggested they order in pizza and rent movies. When they pulled into the parking lot however, he turned serious.

“Hey John, wait a minute.” He put his hand on the handsome man’s arm as John started to open his door.

“Yeah?” John’s smile faded when he saw the look on Dee’s face. “Something wrong?”

“No,” Dorian flashed a small smile, and then continued quietly. “I just...you know earlier when I said I wanted to...’show you off’?”

John nodded, mutely.

“I uh...I’m really excited about tonight but…”

“Me too.” John interrupted.

“I mean...I’m out, you know? I have been for a long time. I don’t hide the fact that I’m gay, but if you…”

“What are you getting at Dee?” John straightened up a bit, concerned about where this was going. Had Dorian already decided that being more than friends was a bad idea?

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” Dorian explained, his blue eyes sincere as he looked at John. “I don’t want to push you too far too soon.”

John glanced away and took a breath as Dorian continued. “We don’t have to tell people that we’re, um…”

“On a date?” John offered. When Dorian nodded, he started to say something more but Dorian kept talking. 

“If you want to say that we’re just two friends out for dinner…”

“You act like everybody I know is gonna be here tonight.” John laughed nervously.

“You never know,” Dorian shrugged. “I just want you to be ok with everything.” 

He moved to cover the other man’s hand with his own, and John felt humbled at Dorian’s concern for him. He sat silent for a moment, trying to decide how to respond. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked back at Dorian.

“I really have no idea what I’m doing, you know?” Clearing his throat, John shifted in his seat. “Twenty-four hours ago I was a nervous fucking wreck, just thinking about showing up at the soccer fields, and now here we are.”

Dorian felt his stomach drop in disappointment. This was a bad idea. John wasn’t ready for this.

“John, we don’t have to…”

“Just...just let me finish, OK?” When Dorian’s eyes widened at the change in John’s tone, the other man apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you, it’s just...just been…”

“It’s Ok.” Dorian assured him. “Go ahead. I’ll try to just listen.” He smiled his sweet smile and John relaxed a bit.

“The last time I did this, it was a lifetime ago. We both know where that led to, so given my track record, I’m...I’m out of practice.”

Dorian listened, and found he had to practically bite his tongue off to keep quiet.

“And whether I’m gay, or bisexual, or...whatever. I’m sure you’re not thrilled at the prospect of somebody who’s just now figuring this out, right?” John glanced over at Dorian but shook his head. “Don’t answer that.”

Dorian suppressed a smile and nodded. This man was so sexy and so adorably awkward, he could hardly stand it.

“I just...I just want to be with you. I want to spend time with you, and I want to talk to you. That’s really saying something, since I hate talking to most people.” Dorian chuckled at John’s honesty, and the other man continued. 

“The thing is, while I’m spending time with you, and talking to you, I uh…” John cleared his throat and ducked his head, a blush traveling up his neck to his cheeks. “I want to kiss you and tear your clothes off.”

Dorian burst out laughing at this admission. John couldn’t help but smile as well, feeling a break in the tension caused by this serious conversation.

“So if that means I’m gay, then I’m gay, and honestly, if somebody sees us together and assumes that we’re on a date, I don’t care.” Dorian smiled again and squeezed John’s hand. 

“I don’t think I’m ready to kiss you in public though or…”

“We can go as slow as you want to John. With all of this. You just have to tell me what you need, and we’ll do it.” 

Dorian held his gaze, and John took a shuddering breath. In his past relationship, he’d put his own needs aside so much, just trying to make Kate happy. It felt selfish, and wrong to have someone tell him that his feelings were so important. That they mattered.

“You’re in this too, Dee. I mean, I don’t want my stuff to…”

“We’ll work through it. If something is too much for you, or if you need to talk, I’m here, OK?” 

Dorian reached up to cup the side of John’s face, running the pad of his thumb along John’s cheekbone. The bigger man caught his breath at the contact and let the words sink in.

“OK.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date is officially underway. A little beer, a little conversation, and a visit from a friend make for a good night.

John held the door as the two men walked into the bar, and began scanning the place for a free table on this busy Saturday night. 

“Why don’t you grab the drinks and I’ll find a spot?” Dorian suggested, watching with a smile as John made his way to the bar. He was sitting in a booth in the back of the crowded space when John appeared with two longneck bottles.

“How did you manage this?” he inquired, sliding into the seat across from Dorian.

“I’m on a roll today.” The blue-eyed man winked.

“Me too,” The taller man smirked, holding up his bottle to toast the occasion. Dorian was about to reply when a pretty, dark-haired waitress approached them. 

“Hi guys. What can I get for you tonight?”

John grabbed a menu, and without really looking at it, ordered enough hot wings for the two of them, and an assortment of sauces. 

“Can I get a ceasar salad too?” Dorian asked. 

“You bet.” The girl smiled at the two of them. “My name is Heather if you need anything else.”

“Thanks. I’ll be needing another one of these shortly, so…” John smiled and held up his beer.

“Got it.”

 

The pair turned to face each other as soon as she was gone.

“Ceasar salad, huh?”

“I’m a salad kind of guy, remember? I also run.” Dorian waited, expecting this would be met with disdain.

“Me too.” John informed him. “I’m actually just getting back into it.”

“Really?” Dorian looked him up and down, unable to keep the note of surprise from his voice. 

“You think all this just happens naturally?” Kennex made a motion toward his well-muscled physique. “It takes work buddy.”

Dorian could think of all kinds of ‘work’ that he’d like to do involving John. “I’m not even going to touch that.” he said with a shake of his head.  
“How about later?” John rested his chin on his hand, with a twinkle in his eye. “You can touch it later…”

Dorian’s eyes widened in shock at the other man’s obvious innuendo. “You’re gonna be in trouble later if you don’t knock it off.” He tried to look stern, but ended up blushing and laughing as the waitress returned with the sauces for their wings and Dorian’s salad.

“Better eat up, ‘cause I’m not letting’ you win at darts this time.”

“Letting me win?” Dorian stabbed at the lettuce in his salad, enjoying the easy banter with John. He hadn’t expected the other man to be so flirtatious. 

“Yep. I’m bringing it all this time.”

“Oh boy. This should be good.” Dorian watched as John dove into the plate of wings that had just been placed in front of him. He always ate like he was starving, and Dorian found himself wondering if the man approached sex with the same intensity. The thought brought his cock to nearly full attention and he shifted in his seat. 

“So since we’re divulging information, ask me anything.” John told him suddenly. 

“Anything? You sure about that?” 

“This is what people do on dates.” 

Dorian had to suppress a laugh at John’s patient tone of voice, and slight eyeroll. He bit his lip as Kennex continued. “ I haven’t been out of the game that long. I’m an open book. Hit me.” John took a deep breath and rested his arms along the the back of the booth. 

Seeing John’s dimples, Dorian wanted to lean across the table and kiss him within an inch of his life, but instead, he asked the first question that came to his mind.

“What’s your middle name? Do you have one?”

“Reginald.”

“R..Reginald?” Dorian’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as he bit back another laugh. “Wow. I never would have guessed that one.”

“My dad picked it out, so watch what you say.” John took a pull from his beer. “Your turn.”

“Phillip, after my dad.” 

“He’s in Seattle?”

“He died when I was five, so, a long time ago now.” Dorian looked at John and took a breath. He wondered what his dad would think if he could see him now.

“I’m sorry.” John reached over and put his hand on Dorian’s arm, giving it a squeeze. He paused, and then continued in a quieter voice. “It’s been almost three for me.”

Dorian remembered the last time they had been here, and John’s ex-fiance had turned up at their table. Her comment about John’s dad’s belongings, and his reaction was a pretty good indicator for Dorian that the man had passed on. Now he knew for sure. 

“So not that long ago, huh?”

John shook his head. “The weird thing is, every once in awhile, I still catch myself wanting to call him. To ask a question or...just to say hi. Then I remember.”

Dorian gave a sympathetic smile, feeling his heart ache at the thought of the other man’s loss. He had to fight the urge to reach out across the table and take John’s hand.

“What about your mom? You’ve never said much about her so…”

John cocked his head a bit, obviously confused. “Val never told you?”

“Val and I talk about soccer, or about Josh.” Dorian explained with a grin. 

“She died when I was eleven. Val was only six. She had cervical cancer.”

Dorian let out a gasp of surprise. “Oh John...I’m so sorry.” This time, he did reach over to gasp John’s hand, lingering there for a few beats as John held on.

“Thanks. It’s Ok. It was a long time ago, just like your dad.”

Dorian nodded, “Still doesn’t make it easy.” 

He thought that the loss of his father must have been especially hard for John. Given the time span of his relationship with Kate, Dorian realized that the two must have met around the same time as John’s dad’s death, or shortly before that. 

“Yeah. I like to think about my parents being together now. That helps.” He glanced at Dorian as a thought hit him. “It must have been really hard leaving your mom when you decided to move to Chicago.”

Dorian took a sip of his beer, and John felt a weight in the silence. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get into something too heavy…”

“Don’t apologize John. I want to talk to you about these things, it’s just…what?” Dorian paused, seeing the look of amusement on the other man’s face. 

“It’s just funny. I’m usually the one who has a hard time talking.” Kennex kept his gaze on Dorian as the other man felt his face flush. “With you it’s different though. It’s easy.”

“I’m glad.”

The pair sat looking at each other, and once again John felt like they were the only two people in the room. He realized that he should probably be afraid of falling so quickly, but he pushed that aside, just basking in the feelings that he no longer had to hide. 

Dorian sat on the other side of the booth, his stomach twisted in knots. He still couldn’t believe that he was actually on a date with John. He already felt so much for this man, and they’d barely even started on this journey. He took a breath and let it out, realizing that he had to come clean with John about his move to Chicago. It scared the hell out of him, but if the revelation changed their relationship, then so be it. John deserved his honesty.

“Listen John, there’s something I need to talk to you about. This might not be the best place to do it but I…”

“Well look who’s here!” Suddenly, a thick Scottish brogue interrupted their conversation, and John’s face suddenly showed happy surprise. 

“Hey Scotty! What’s up man?”

“Was just heading out when I caught sight of you back here.”

Dorian watched as the man, who had close cropped, red hair and looked to be about forty or forty-five, nodded to John with a grin. “Who’s your friend?” 

“Oh, sorry, this is…”

“Dorian Robinson.” Dorian smiled and extended his hand. 

“Dorian, this is Scotty...I mean uh, Montgomery Scott. We’ve worked together for a long time.”

“Pleased to meet you Dorian. John took me under his wing when I first moved here from the U.K.” Scotty elbowed John and Kennex waved off the compliment. “Been a long time since we’ve been out at a drinking establishment together though.”  
“Well then,” Dorian smiled, “you’ll have to stay and have a drink with us.” He looked to John for approval, and the other man nodded. 

“Absolutely. At least one Scotty.”

“I don’t want to intrude on your evenin’, but...I might be persuaded to have another pint, if you don’t mind a bit of company.”

“Of course you’ll stay.” John announced as he slid out of the booth. I’m gonna excuse myself for a minute...hey Dee, can you order me another one when she comes back?”

Dorian smiled and nodded, feeling oddly proud of the fact that John had used his nickname in front of his friend.

“So, you and John...how do you…”

“I coach his nephew’s soccer team.” Dorian explained. “That’s how we met.”

“Oh yeah, Joshie. He talks about that boy a lot.” Scotty smiled.

“How long have you been in the states?” Dorian asked. Scotty motioned for the waitress as he answered.

“Going on five years now. My marriage ended and I wanted a change, so…”

“Big change. I just moved here from Seattle and that seemed monumental. I can’t imagine moving to a new country.”

Scotty shrugged and then asked the waitress for another Guinness and an Alpha King for John.

“It’s been good. Nice to see John out and about again. I know he’s been going through a rough patch.”

Dorian started to respond, then smiled as John approached the table, and sat in the booth next to him. 

“No comparing stories.” he winked. “Unless they’re good.”

“We didn’t have a chance to, you came back so fast. Dorian and I were just talking about making changes for the better.”

John looked over at Dorian, and then glanced down at his beer bottle, a slight blush on his cheeks. “Definitely been working on that lately.” he said.

Scotty caught John’s glance in Dorian’s direction, and the way the dark-skinned man smiled. The Scotsman got the definite feeling that this was more than just two friends out for a beer, but decided to keep that thought to himself, at least for the time being.

“How about your darts game laddie? Working on that too?” Scotty asked the question with a smirk and Dorian laughed out loud.

“Not sure what you’ve seen,” Dorian began, “But it’s pretty bad.”

“I’m working on it,” John interuppted. “No more comments from the peanut gallery over here.” John bumped his knee against Dorian’s as the other man continued to laugh.

“It needs a LOT of work John.” Dorian continued as Kennex glowered into his hot wings.

“Ok hot shot. Why don’t you see how you measure up against this guy? He grew up in a fucking pub.”

“You up for a game?” Scotty asked. “I mean, if…”

“No, that’s cool. I’d enjoy the challenge.” Dorian moved to get out of the booth, so John scooted out and cleared a path for him.

“No whining when he destroys you.”

Dorian waited until Scotty had walked away toward the dart board before he turned to John and stepped close enough to whisper in his ear. 

“I’m not worried. At the end of the night, I’m going home with you so...it’s all good.”

John sputtered for a moment, obviously not expecting the sweet remark. Dorian held his gaze for a moment, and then walked away. Somehow, John remembered to grab his beer and follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoys this one. It's good to see the boys out having fun - finally! Thanks to We Will Spock You and Go Wash the Lights for giving this one a look see and offering their thoughts and encouragement. You guys are the best!!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John takes Dorian home after their first date.

Nearly an hour, and a few drinks later, each man had won at a round of darts. Dorian excused himself to the men’s room while Scotty stepped forward to pull darts out of the electronic board. 

“Dorian’s seems like a nice chap.” the Scotsman commented casually.

“He’s amazing.” John made the comment almost to himself, and then cleared his throat nervously when Scotty glanced back at him. “He’s amazing at darts, I mean. He’s...he’s a good guy.”

Scotty smiled and came to sit next to his longtime friend. “It’s good to see you out John. You look a sight happier than you did the last time I saw ye.”

Kennex nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I’m doing a lot better. Just takes time I guess.”

“Time, and the right person.” Scotty clapped him on the back, and then stood when he saw Dorian approaching. “Dorian, now that you’re back I suppose I’d better be off.”

“You’re not going to stay and break our tie?” The dark-skinned man smiled as he came to stand next to John.

“Not tonight. I’ll leave ye think’ ye got the better of me.”

John ducked his head and chuckled at the remark, stealing a glance at Dorian.

“The next time you gentleman are out and about though, let me know, and I’ll come buy ye a pint or two.”

“It was great meeting you Scotty.” Dorian held out his hand and the red-headed man gripped it tightly. 

“Likewise. Take care ‘o this one, will ye?” Scotty jerked his thumb in John’s direction as Kennex stood up.

“It’s a tough job but…”

“Hey, you guys can do this sometime when I’m not in the same room.” John grumbled.

“Good night laddie.” Scotty took John’s hand and then pulled him into a hug. “You two be safe now.”

Once the other man was gone, John and Dorian made their way back to the booth they’d been sitting in earlier.

“You kicked his ass in that second game.” John said, as he slid into the booth.

“I won.” Dorian corrected. “I wouldn’t categorize that score as an ‘ass-kicking’.

“Well...whatever. It was cool.”

“Thanks.” 

Dorian smiled at the other man and held his gaze for a moment. John felt a tingle of awareness down his spine, and after another beat, looked away. Now that it was just the two of them again, he was feeling a little nervous. He noticed the bowl of nachos still on the table, and dipped a chip in some salsa before cramming it into his mouth.

“I feel bad.” he said suddenly.

“Why?” Dorian cocked his head to the side, wondering what could be bothering John.

“This didn’t feel like much of a date...I mean, I hope it was ok with you that Scotty hung out for awhile.”

“It was fun.” Dorian assured him. “He’s a great guy...and obviously a very good friend.”

“Yeah.” John took another bite, and noticed Dorian looking at his mouth. He could feel the heat creeping up the back of his neck. “What?” 

“You’ve got…” Dorian leaned forward over the table and reached up with his thumb to wipe at the side of John’s mouth “...salsa.” 

John caught his breath as the other man moved his thumb slowly along the curve of John’s bottom lip, to the middle of his cheek. The gentle pressure of Dorian’s touch, and the heated look in his dark eyes, made John’s stomach flutter and brought his cock to attention. As Dorian backed away from him, John couldn’t help but remember the last time the other man had touched him like this, that day in the park. 

“That’s better.” Dorian said softly, still holding John’s gaze as he licked the substance off of his thumb.

Kennex swallowed thickly, and thought to himself that if he didn’t get out of the bar at that very moment, he was going to come in his jeans. 

“Dorian…”

“Can I get you guys another round, or are you ready for your tab?” 

John was startled by the waitress’s voice and and knocked his knee painfully against the table.

“Oww!...Shit!”

“Are you OK?” The server, and Dorian asked the question at the same moment, with the waitress placing a concerned hand on John’s shoulder. 

“Yeah.” John reached down to rub his kneecap as Dorian looked on with concern. “Can we uh...can we get the check please?” 

 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Dorian asked, once both of them were inside the Mustang. He put his hand on John’s injured knee, and the other man leaned toward him to capture his mouth with a kiss. Dorian let out a breath of surprise, and John took advantage, sweeping his tongue into Dorian’s mouth. The heated kiss lasted for several more seconds before the two parted, both out of breath.

“Better now.” John whispered. “I’ve been thinking about doing that for the last hour.”

Dorian put his hand on the back of John’s neck, and pulled the man close again, brushing their lips together. “Take me home, John?”

For the second time since he’s known Dorian, John had no qualms about breaking the posted speed limit. 

 

They make it inside the condo, with Dorian closing the front door, before John had him pushed back against it, kissing him almost desperately. Dorian returned the embrace, mewling with pleasure as John pressed against him. Kennex pulled away to catch his breath, even as Dorian’s hands found the curve of his ass and pulled him closer. Obviously he was just as aroused as John was. 

Whatever John had been planning to say was lost in a haze of lust as Dorian unfastened his belt and unbuttoned his jeans. John groaned his approval as Dorian unzipped his fly and then palmed him through his boxers.

“Jesus…” He breathed the word Dorian moved his mouth along John’s jaw and down the side of his neck, laving John’s olive skin with his tongue. When the other man pushed his jeans further down his legs, John blinked in confusion.

“Wait…what...”

“Have you ever thought about it John?” Dorian’s breath tickled the soft skin below his ear.

“Thought...what?” John struggled to catch his breath as Dorian slowly pulled his boxers away from his body. He looked down to see his erection standing at attention against his stomach. He looked up and found Dorian’s gorgeous blue eyes searching his face, his full lips so close.

“How my mouth would feel around your cock?”

His tone was breathless, but there was softness to it that was almost...innocent. It made the words seem filthy.

“Have you?” Dorian pressed, leaning closer until their foreheads touched.

“Y...Yes.” John admitted, reaching out to pull Dorian’s expensive shirt out of his jeans.

“Me too…” Dorian whispered the words, and then sank to his knees in front of John.

“ Fuck...Dorian…fuck…” John closed his eyes and braced his arms against the front door as Dorian sucked on the head of his rigid member, slowly sweeping over it with his tongue. John gasped in surprise when he stopped, and looked down to see those eyes gazing up at him.

“Is this OK?” Dorian asked, suddenly realizing that maybe he’d moved a little too fast. His hands gripped John’s muscled thighs, massaging them gently. “Do you…”

“Yes, please” John nodded quickly. 

Dorian smiled, and licked at the underside John’s dick from the root to the tip. He was big, but Dorian would not be deterred. When he suddenly took John all the way in, almost to the root, Kennex let out a loud groan, and fought the urge to thrust into his lover’s mouth. Kate had never been very good at giving head, and certainly had never been enthusiastic about it. She said he was too big, and it made her uncomfortable. Funny, she never complained about his size when John was the one doing all the the work. 

Dorian bobbed up and down sucking for all he was worth, and it felt amazing. John’s hand came down to rest on Dorian’s head, as he let out another moan of pleasure. 

“Feels so good…” he panted, whimpering when Dorian reached to gently tickle his sack.

The other man pulled off a bit, and once again swirled his talented tongue around the swollen head of John’s member. 

“You taste good,” Dorian whispered, as he gave a couple of quick strokes.

John suddenly tensed, and backed away when Dorian leaned forward to resume the task at hand.

“Don’t...I’m gonna come…” he warned. 

“Good.” Dorian smiled and wrapped his lips around John’s erection once more. This time John couldn’t stop his hips from thrusting forward, and when he heard Dorian gag, he lost it. He came with a loud shout, feeling almost light headed as his load shot down Dorian’s throat. The release left him weak-kneed, and gasping for breath. 

For his part, Dorian sat back against the door, and chuckled when John almost tripped over his pants when he moved to sit down as well.

“Still Ok?” Dorian asked, letting his hand rest on the inside of John’s thigh.

John’s head lolled to the side to look at his lover. He wasn’t sure what he had expected would happen when they got back to Dorian’s place, but he hadn’t expected a blowjob the second they walked in the door. Not that he was complaining of course.

“Yeah...I…sorry.”

“For what?” Dorian asked, amusement shining in his eyes.

“For making you…” John made a movement with his hand. He couldn’t bring himself to say “choke” for some reason. He had definitely fantasized about what had just happened, but actually doing it was a little overwhelming.

“I’m just not used to how big you are. I’ll do better next time.” Dorian assured him.

John’s mouth gaped open, flabbergasted. “If it gets any better..I don’t think I’ll survive.” John answered. 

“So, you liked it?” 

Dorian asked the question almost shyly. In reply, John cupped a hand to the back of his neck, and pulled him close for a soft peck on the lips. That was followed by another, and another, and then a slow, open-mouthed kiss that had them both sighing with contentment. John could still taste himself on Dorian’s tongue. He let his hand wander over his lover’s chest and down to his crotch. Dorian was achingly hard, and moaned into John’s mouth, at the contact. 

“I want to make you feel good too.” John told him as he nuzzled against Dorian’s neck. 

Without saying a word, Dorian stood up, and then pulled John to his feet. The taller man almost tripped over his jeans again, but then stopped to toe out of his shoes and step out of his pants. For good measure, he pulled off his t-shirt as well, so that he was standing naked, just inside the doorway of his new boyfriends condo. It was amazing how quickly things can change in twenty-four hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than usual, but I hope the fact that it's sexy (at least I hope it is) makes up for that.
> 
> Also, a request was made that John and Dee are allowed to have a few happy chapters before the next crisis. I promise the next chapter will be happy as well. :)
> 
> Thanks as always for reading and commenting. Hope you guys are enjoying this journey


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dorian's date night continues...

John felt Dorian's heated gaze travel down his body as the other man slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Of their own volition, John's hands reached out to push the garment off of Dorian's body, but Dorian stopped him, taking his hand instead, to lead him toward the bedroom.

Once they were there, the dark-skinned man turned and kissed John hungrily, as John walked him to the king-size bed. He pushed him down onto the fluffy comforter, with Dorian scooting back as John advanced on him. Kennex reached out and stripped the shirt from Dorian’s toned body, desperate to uncover all of his lover’s smooth, mocha-colored skin. The garment was tossed away, and John let his hands travel slowly over Dorian’s chest and abs as the other man shivered. Kennex stole a messy kiss, and nuzzled Dorian’s neck as the other man sighed, letting his own hands come up to grip John’s strong shoulders.

John’s fingers traveled lower, cupping Dorian through his jeans, and then unbottoning them and pulling the zipper down. He glanced up at that moment, in time to see lust-darkened eyes watching him. Maybe he should have felt awkward, considering that he’d never made love to a man before, but he didn’t. This was Dorian, and with Dorian, everything felt right. He pulled on the denim, and then the cotton underwear encasing the other man’s narrow hips, and Dorian lifted up for him. The idea of Dorian giving himself over to John like this was a definite turn-on for Kennex. He felt his cock rallying in record time, especially when the other man’s thick member stood at attention, waiting for him. 

John reached out and gave a tentative stroke, catching the beads of precum that were glistening on the large, dark head. Dorian groaned at the touch and then at it’s absence, opening his eyes just as John brought his wet fingers up to taste. 

“Oh god...John…”

The taste was smooth and smoky, and nothing like John had expected. He wanted more. Taking a breath to steady himself, and hoping he would bring Dorian as much pleasure as he’d just experienced, John wrapped his fingers around Dorian’s girth once more, and lowered his head.

“You don’t...have to…” Dorian said, his voice rough with need.

“I want to...wanna know what you feel like…”

Dorian’s head fell back against the pillows as John leaned forward again. No amount of fantasizing could have prepared him for the feeling of John’s luscious tongue lapping slowly at his cock. When he felt the heat of John’s mouth take him inside, Dorian let out a long, low moan. 

John was a little tentative at first, letting himself get used to this feeling. It was better than he’d imagined, and knowing that he was the reason for all of the desperate sounds coming from Dorian was incredible. He bobbed up and down slowly, letting his tongue press against the vein he felt on the underside of Dorian’s shaft. He ran his hands up and down Dorian’s thighs, feeling the muscles tense beneath his touch. When he reached around to cup his ass, taking in even more of him, the other man made a strangled sound, almost as if he was in pain, and his hands twisted in the material of the comforter.

John pulled off immediately, wiping the saliva from his chin. “Did I hurt…”

“Don’t stop…” Dorian panted. “Don’t fucking stop...please…”

This is what John had wondered about. What he’d dreamed about so often lately. Having Dorian, desperate and needy for him, just like this. With his own cock throbbing now, John bent down and managed to take Dorian almost all the way to the root. The other man’s hips canted up and John choked a bit as he felt the head of Dorian’s member against the back of his throat. He moved both hands to hold Dorian’s hips still, and worked him with his mouth. After just a few moments, Dorian’s cock twitched in his mouth.

“John…” with a final hoarse cry, Dorian tried to pull away, but John gripped him almost fiercely, keeping his mouth tight around Dorian as hot spurts of come hit the back of his throat. He swallowed quickly, as the thick substance filled his mouth. 

Dorian’s hands were tangled in John’s dark hair as his body writhed in ecstasy, completely at John’s mercy. He felt wave after wave of release course through him, harsh breaths being ripped from his chest as he finally began to come down from the high. Even in the haze of sensation, he knew these were moments that he would never forget. Suddenly, the bigger man moved up to kiss him, and he could taste himself on his lover’s lips. He could feel John’s cock, heavy with arousal against his stomach, and mewled in pleasure as John pulled him closer, sucking greedily on his tongue. Finally they ended the kiss and Kennex buried his face in Dorian’s neck as he rutted against the man underneath him.

“I want to make you come again.” Dorian breathed the words as he reached between them. 

‘Oh fuck...fuck...just like that…” John brought his hands up to frame Dorian’s face and kiss him again. The way Dorian responded to him drove him crazy. The other man stroked him, sure and fast, flicking his thumb over the head of John’s member. By the fifth pass, John came hard, with a ragged cry. He could barely catch his breath when it was over, as he tried to move the dead weight of his body off of his lover.

“Stay.”

At that single word, whispered as Dorian held him tightly, John felt a wave of emotion, and the sting of tears behind his eyes. He willed the tears away, and took a shaky breath, as he maneuvered both of them into a more comfortable position, with Dorian’s body pulled tight to his, and the other man’s head on his chest.

He felt Dorian move a bit closer, and John closed his eyes, feeling utter contentment.

“Is this ok?” Dorian repeated the question that he had asked earlier, and John smiled, moving to look into beautiful blue eyes. 

“It’s perfect.” He answered. Dorian smiled, and leaned forward to brush a kiss against John’s lips, before letting his eyes slide closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has been patient as I slowly work on this story. I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter. 
> 
> A special thanks to We Will Spock You for her constant support as I struggle to fit in writing with the rest of my life.


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